First Date: What Should You Say?

Of all the phobias present in your first date woes, it is probably the fear of saying the wrong thing that has the strongest hold on you.

And that phobia is there for good reason. Everyone knows what happened in John Mayer’s all-too famous song, “My Stupid Mouth.” Surely, if only love (and all its misadventures) were as easy as ‘a game of chess with the salt and pepper shaker’ (Mayer’s words, of course), then you wouldn’t be too scared of first dates and conversational disasters.

Alas, as experience would be more than happy and willing to tell you, saying the wrong thing, even at the right time, can certainly spell “bye-bye follow through” for anyone, no matter how physically attractive he or she may be.(Never mind that Victoria Milan thought you would be the perfect match. Tsk tsk.)

At the same time, you don’t want to fall back into the assumption that perhaps, the way to go would be to avoid talking altogether. Needless to say, this, too, would be potentially even more disastrous, for what use is a date if you’re not going to communicate at all? Remember: communication is a test of compatibility. The better you communicate, the better you listen, the better your chances at actually being a great date, worthy of being called for a second, third, and maybe a life-time (see what happened there).

So: the big question really is, what are the things that would really sound nice on a first date? What should you say? 

Do you ever get that feeling that your work isn’t too fulfilling? Or that you like what you’re doing but you don’t think anyone would ever be truly interested in it? Do you sometimes wish that someone would at least ask about what it is that you do with your life? Well, that’s the first tip: on your first date, be sure to ask: “what do you do?” Asking this magical question will almost automatically give your date the idea that you are showing interest in what they do, locking in your chances at an excellent first impression.

Whoever you are and whatever your job or occupation might be, you always have these secret dreams and wishes. There are always those unexpressed aspirations that you keep to yourself because you think they might be too shameful to share. As a second tip, use this as leverage for yet another thing you can open up for your first date. Ask your date: “If you could have dinner with anyone in the world, dead or alive, who would it be and why?” This sort of talk will allow you to get to know each other more fundamentally, because you kind of reveal to each other the kind of people you want to be, and to be with.

No matter what Elite dating site brought you and your date together, you just can’t afford to be too complacent when it comes to conversation starters. Also, you can’t just pass up any opportunity you might have to get a better picture of the sort of life that your date prefers for himself or herself. In order to do this, it might be good to ask this question: “Is travel something you love to do?” Your date’s answer to this question will undoubtedly tell you about comfort zones. Is your date comfortable in the predictable, and uneasy with the unknown? Or is your date comfortable with the unknown, and yet unsettled with the predictable? Given that knowledge, what about you? What sort of zones would you consider as your comfort zones and which ones rouse you out of ease? Whatever the outcome of your respective answers, they’re sure to give an interesting spin to the rest of your date.

(Of course, in case the answer to the above question is a resounding “YES”, then be sure you’re sensitive enough to follow it up by asking where he or she would like to go. That, too, will provide really rich material to deepen your connection with each other.)

In any date, whether you are going out for the first time or for the nth time, perhaps the most difficult struggle would be the tendency of becoming uninteresting to your partner. There’s nothing like the possibility of boredom looming ahead to make so many single people afraid of risking themselves, lest they lose whatever it was that made them good prospects. Well, help your date out by asking this question: “Tell me the one thing about you that you think would be most interesting for me.” When you say this, you’re somehow telling your date that his or her interesting-ness is something you’re interested in, which is always a good thing to say.

Sometimes, dates fail primarily because the ones involved fail to appreciate the positive things at work in the equation. Such a failure then leaves the other with way too many doubts and raises too many questions. But of course, this can be addressed by simply, and sincerely expressing thanks to your date for giving you a great time. By subtly telling them that you did have a great time, you’re helping them boost their confidence.

And, to cap off the perfect night (conversation-wise), be sure that you don’t leave anything hanging. Let’s say it wasn’t the greatest date, even upon application of all those precious tips in this article. Nevertheless, you’ll put yourself (and your date) in a less awkward situation if you remember to say these words: “May I call you again next time?” Saying that will surely give a worthy end to the night, and perhaps even make it better than how it should have ended.

So, there you have it, six things that you can say on your first date. Of course, this does not mean that you’ll limit yourself to these questions. The point, honey, is that you learn how to communicate and to express yourself, especially with someone you’re meeting for the first time.

No worries, you’ll do fine.

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