This article is to help you find answers to the question: Why do men cheat? But we don’t stop there, you’ll find the article jam packed with tips to answer another burning question : How can I stop this happening to me ?
Maybe you have recently found out that your man is cheating? If that’s the case you’re going to want to read this article in full before you decide on a plan of action.
Whilst infidelity is a harsh blow to any relationship, it’s worth remembering that depending on the circumstances, it does not have to be the end of your relationship.
Kiss(Creative Commons) : Photo Credi
Why Do Men Cheat: Some reasons you may want to consider
1. You think it’s a committed relationship. He doesn’t!
If you’ve been dating your guy for 6 months he’s met your friends and your family, and you spend more nights together than apart. It would not be unreasonable for you to assume “you’re in a committed relationship”.
However, you may find that whilst YOU think you’re in a committed relationship, he still thinks that you’re “dating”. In his mind this means that whilst he enjoys spending lots of quality time with you, he’s remains free to spend quality time and enjoy sexual relationships – with other women.
Tip: Not knowing where you stand is really unsettling, but you can avoid this situation that so many women get into. The solution is simple really: communication. Most problems in our relationships can be solved with better communication. However, it can be tricky to know when you have earned the right to ask ” how serious is this relationship, are we exclusive”.
If you’ve only been dating for two weeks then asking this type of question may be a little premature. But if you’ve been together for a while and if one or both of you have uttered those powerful 3 words, then it’s perfectly acceptable for you to ask your man whether you are mutually exclusive. Especially if you feel like you have reason to need confirmation on that.
Depending on his answer you can then make a decision whether you want the relationship to go further or not. You may find he’s actually glad that you bought the topic up, as he was wondering the same thing. If honesty, commitment and loyalty are important to you in a relationship, then find a ‘drama free’ way to speak to express that to your man. He needs to know what your values are and where your boundaries lie, and you also need to know his.
2. Once a player, always a player (maybe)
A man with a history of cheating in relationships can change his ways and enjoy an intimate relationship with just one women. And whilst it’s true that a leopard can’t change his spots, a man CAN change his behaviour.
When we meet someone new it can tempting to see them through rose tinted glasses, and ignore the red flags and warning signs. It’s as if we convince ourselves that we will be the be ‘the woman’ to change the habits of a lifetime. It’s good to have a positive outlook towards you relationship, but if monogamy is important to you and you have signs that he may not share the same values, the worst thing you can do is ignore that feeling.
If your man was known to be a bit of a player when you met when, or you ignored the rules of the sisterhood and started seeing him when you knew he wasn’t single. Then you may not be too surprised when you discover that he is still a player.
Establishing where both you and your partner stands about the issue of monogamy is something many couples often fail to do Players can change their ways and become perfectly loving and faithful partners, but if that is not who your partner is, or who he is trying to become when you meet him, be on high alert!
Tip: When you start dating a man it’s important that you observe him. Not in any pressurised way, but you want to discover who he is, what he believes in and how his actions match up to his words. Quite often we don’t do this level of observation with a new guy. We are far too wrapped up in the excitement and newness of it all. Unfortunately, too often, we only start to only pay attention when something goes wrong or our relationship reaches a critical point
So what have you noticed about your man?
Does he leave the room every time the phone rings, Does he cancel arrangements with you at the last minute? Maybe he has actually told you he used to be a bit of a ladies man, but you were so busy staring into his eyes that you hardly noticed.
If you recognise some or all of these things in your relationship, you need to pay attention. A woman’s intuition is a very powerful thing and if your intuition is telling you something is wrong, then don’t ignore it.
3. He is unhappy within the relationship
This is a complicated one. Sometimes a relationship can fall into a rut where everything seams fine on the surface, but one of both or you have been seriously unhappy for a while. These periods are not uncommon in any long term relationship. The real problem occurs if your man is feeling like this about your relationship, but hasn’t told you.
It would seem guys are genetically programmed to avoid domestic conflicts. They don’t want to rock the boat or create a situation especially; when they are not 100% sure about how they’re feeling. So they stew on it, bottle it up and ruminate on the problem, instead of speaking with you about it.
These types of stored up problems and resentments can cause a real problem within your relationship and maybe unknowingly to you, a rift. This is a risky time for your relationship, but often you don’t know it. Quite often the first inkling you’ll have that there is a problem, is when you read that SMS from another woman or he starts acting “strange”
It’s amazing the amount of stories you hear of women who thought they had a perfectly happy and healthy relationship, only to discover that their partner has been cheating on them for 3 months. These are the women who will tell you, “I thought everything was fine, we were happy”.
Tip: Once again, your only weapon against this is communication. If you find the quality of the relationship you have with your man has changed, ask yourself the question why? Maybe he’s being distant or has stopped being romantic or affectionate. Maybe he has become critical of you, or not interested in you sexually. If you’re experiencing any of these things in your relationship, its important that you address it straight away, even if you’re the only one who has the courage to do so.
This is no guarantee that you will get an honest answer, or even any willingness to work through any problems that he identifies. But at the very least you’ll know you did not dismiss the problem even if he did!
Whether we accept it or not, men and women have different styles of communication. Quite possibly your man is as open and expressive as you, but if he’s not; it can be really difficult to get to the bottom of what is going on for him. Any relationship that has any chance of lasting, is ultimately built on strong communication.
4. You’ve changed ( and in his opinion, not for the better)
This is a very uncomfortable truth, but the reason why men cheat is often very superficial. By their very nature most men are visual and sexual creatures. And whilst he may think it’s ok that he has gained 10 pounds from your great home cooking, you may find that he doesn’t find that 10lb weight gain quite as attractive on you.
Maybe when he met you, you had long blonde hair and you’ve since had a short edgy hair cut and he hates it. It doesn’t matter what the ‘change’ is. The real problem is he’s not as emotionally and or physically attracted to you; as he once was.
But it’s possible that you have changed in other ways too. Maybe he thinks your not fun anymore, maybe you’ve been busy with work or friends and not lavished him with the sort of attention he is used to?
If your mans attraction to you is fading, unfortunately this can be the beginning of the end of even the most fantastic relationship.
Tip: Look after yourself and keep putting in that effort to look your best. Does that mean don’t cut your hair if you want to? No, it doesn’t. Does it mean you can’t enjoy that week where you’re catching up with long lost friends and are busy most nights? Ditto.
Your man is supposed to be secure in his relationship with you, happy that you have a life outside of him and be able to accept that in the course of a relationship people change, both physically and otherwise.
Let’s not pretend keeping yourself at your best; is an easy task. Watching your nutrition, going for that run and putting on something nice for dinner when you would rather put on your pyjamas – can get a bit monotonous sometimes. But don’t let yourself get so comfortable within your relationship that you stop doing the things and being the woman, he was attracted to in the first place!
Looking after yourself is not actually about him, it’s about you. It’s about confidence and still finding yourself attractive and desirable. Never forget; confidence is incredibly sexy!
5. He is scared of commitment, or you have been committed for so long he’s bored
These are two different problems on the same spectrum. If your man is scared of commitment, there is usually a reason why. When men think of commitment they think of ‘forever’, and forever can be a scary concept for anyone. We all know a girlfriend that was with a guy who was “scared of commitment”. Yet within months of their break up; he had moved-in with and proposed to another woman! Amazing right.
The truth is; many men are not scared of commitment, they just don’t want to be fully committed to you. This situation can be one of the trickiest of them all, but there is nothing we can do to make a person commit to us, they have to want to.
Now what if you’ve been with your partner for years, maybe you’re married to him, but the relationship has gone stale and lost all its fun and vitality. Whilst he may not want to leave the comfort of home, family, joint friends or worse; risk a lengthy trip to the divorce courts. He may very well look to discover some of that fun and vitality – elsewhere!
Tip: Whether you’re in a long term relationship or it’s fairly new, play your part in keeping your relationship, fun, vital, sexy and intimate. Your mans connection with you needs to be much more than just physical if it’s to be sustained in any meaningful way. Remember, it’s not just down to him to plan fun things to do, stick to date night or make that romantic meal. Whether 10 months or 10 years, play your part. Give him a reason to want to be in commitment with you.
6. You don’t have sex anymore
After a few years of being in a relationship the frequency of your sex life can be reduced significantly, and be even further affected in you have a family. Remember when you first met and were making love 4 times a day Yet now, you’d be lucky to have sex 4 times a month. Relationships can fall into some unhealthy patterns if we let them, and sexual intimacy starts to come at the bottom of the list of things to do. Lack of time, stress, exhaustion and distraction can all play havoc with the state of your sex life, as can tensions within the relationship.
Unfortunately a common reason for why men cheat, is because the quality of your sexual relationship has deteriorated. Even though you and your man have stopped having sex with each other, that doesn’t mean that he has stopped wanting to be sexually intimate.
If he’s initiating sexual intimacy with you but you’re routinely spurning his advances, this is going to affect his confidence and he will start to look for that confidence boost elsewhere, even if unintentionally.
Unfortunately that confidence boost often comes in the shapely form of another woman. Men are especially vulnerable in this type of situation.
Tip: Take care to nurture your relationship. Physical intimacy does not stop being important once you have the house and the kids etc. In fact it becomes even more important. As the stresses and strain of everyday life happen within your relationship. Being sexually intimate is a bonding and loving time that’ s just for the two of you. Whilst it may not be as spontaneous as it used to be, if need be, schedule that alone time with your man and take time to enjoy each other. Both he and your relationship will thank you for it.
This is no guarantee that your man won’t want to look at other woman but he is more likely to be tempted to take things further, if he can’t get sexual intimacy at home.
Lastly, don’t use sex as a weapon or deny him the pleasure of intimacy as a form of control. If you do this frequently your man will start to feel manipulated and like his needs are not being met. Eventually, he will be a prime target for that unscrupulous woman who will make him feel desired, respected and appreciated. Sex is not a powerful struggle or a way to have the upper hand in a relationship, it’s important to keep that in mind.
I hope you find these answers as to why men cheat and tips on how to stop it happening to you useful.
I can’t guarantee that if you follow all these tips; your man with be faithful to you. The reasons why men cheat vary for relationship to relationship, but these are the situations I hear most often.
Sometimes good people make stupid decisions and will do anything to gain your forgiveness.Infidelity does not have to be the end of your relationship especially not if you have a family to consider. The important thing is to work out and then accept what went wrong. By understanding the situation you’ll be in a better position to make sure the same thing does not happen again, or, in another relationship.
There is nothing weak about giving your man another chance ( even if your friends say otherwise). People make mistakes, but if he repeats this mistake more than once -you might want to think seriously about ending the relationship
Come and share your thoughts about why men cheat in the comments, and let us know what you think of the tips!