Living in the Same House with the Parents-in-Law

Few are those who want to live with the parents-in-law. But the circumstances demand it most times. Young people still don’t have enough money, the rent is expensive, the possibility of buying an apartment is rising to the rank of unattainable dream, and the two lovers can not stay apart.

A long-term relationship and a very close couple may suffer from living under the same roof with in-laws … Who is to blame? The young couple or the elder one?

A young couple is first and primarily in need of intimacy. The two must learn to live together, they will create their own habits, they have desires and ideas for upgrading their home, and most times their way of seeing things is much different from that of in-laws.

The differences in attitude are often the starting point of heated discussion between generations. Topics such as marriage, home care, women’s role in a marriage, children and their growth are only some main issues that can lead to misunderstandings between the young couple and the parents-in-law.

But these are the big issues. When it comes to daily quarrels and reproaches, subjects are much unimportant, gliding gently into ridiculous …

The question is the following: the conflict between the young and in-laws is based only on the difference in age or other issues?

In-laws have created certain habits related to that house and life in general. Everything what is new scares them. They fear that they will lose the authority, that their opinions will go on the second plan and young people will monopolize everything.

The situation can be difficult especially for a member of the couple. If it comes to boy’s mother, the daughter-in-law is seen as an intruder as her son will place her in the second plan. From here appears a kind of “jealousy” between mother and daughter-in-law.

If it comes to mom’s daughter, the boy can be attributed a number of defects and flaws that it is possible he doesn’t have: is incompetent, he doesn’t know to repair a broken lock, he has no house, car and bank account, and therefore he is good for nothing. “What do you see in him?” This will be the obsessive question that will hover over the relationship.

Situations can be diverse and different, and the young couple feels a discomfort because they still can not own a house.

The important thing is that the patience, diplomacy and composure to come from the couple. Communication must be efficient and honest, without reproaches and offending, because it already overcome some limits which only lead to even bigger conflicts. The path to the heart of your in-laws may be shorter than you think. Grab some patience and follow our plan. We have some pieces of advice for you to succeed in such a situation.

Don’t hurry to judge them:

Your partner’s parents have strengths and weaknesses, like everyone else. It is better to accept them how they are and don’t have always in mind preconceived ideas about the in-laws: that they are sour grapes, a nightmare and that you can not understand them.

Discuss with them, get to know them as well as you can, think positively about your relationship and do not hurry to label them from the first misunderstanding. A coastal walk and an invitation to a party can strengthen family ties and will make them feel accepted.

Do not look for reasons to argue

When your mother-in-law tells you that your food is not as tasty as hers, or the father criticizes your husband, don’t act on first impulse.

It is best to keep your temper and say what you have on your mind when you slow down. Sometimes, the in-laws might not realize that you are hurt by what they say and do.

Tell them directly what you have to say

In many couple-parents-in-law relationships, it happens that the messages from the in-law to the daughter-in-law or to be transmitted through life partner. Thus, there may be some misunderstandings and tensions, especially if your partner tends to approve his father.

When you have something to say, no matter how difficult it is, take courage and tell them directly what upsets you, but use a polite and firm tone. Thus, the relationship between you and your partner will not suffer.

Show them respect and gratitude

Older people appreciate especially when they are treated with respect.

If they have small habits, try not to interfere in those moments. Appreciate every small thing they do for you and occasionally give them a gift. When they feel they are given attention, they are happy and therefore there will be harmony in the family.

Be calm and smiling

Anything your mother-in-law would say, be a diplomat and answer her with a smile. Nothing disarms more than a jovial face. Even if you are boiling inside, do not leave this to come out. Take a few steps, calm down and then talk calmly with her. Explain what your problem is without raising your voice and don’t insult them or be ironic.

Do not argue with your husband in front of them

The biggest mistake is to argue with your partner in front of his parents. You will look like an enemy, as a woman who makes life difficult for their son. So be diplomatic! If you have a more acidic reply, keep it for when you are alone. Otherwise, you risk not only arguing with him, but with the in-laws, too!

Be a diplomat when you visit them

The biggest fear for the in-law is that you will take away their baby from them. This is why you have to remove this fear from the start. Accompany your husband when he visits them and do not let them to understand that meeting them would be a burden.

Don’t keep them away from the grandchildren

If you have children, you can be sure that you grew up in the eyes of the in-laws. Nothing is more touching than a nephew and they will be grateful to you that you have given such a joy to them. You don’t have to be a possessive mother and keep away the grandparents from their grandchildren. Rather, encourage the children to visit or call them as often as they can.