It’s hard finding Mr. Right. If you find yourself in failed relationship after failed relationship, it might be time to ask yourself what you’re doing wrong. Don’t rely on your friends for answers because no matter what, your friends are always going to be on your side. Sit down and ask yourself the hard questions and for the love of all things holy, be honest with yourself. Are you making smart decisions? Are you chasing the wrong type of guy?
Before we talk about the types of guys you should avoid, let’s take a minute to talk about how you can spot them. There is no trick here, ladies. The only way you can know what type of guy you’re getting involved with is to get to know him before you get involved with him. Stop rushing! Take your time. Love at first sight may very well exist and it may happen to you, but what will it hurt to slow things down a bit so you can find out if it’s the real deal? If he is Mr. Right, he won’t mind waiting. Okay, let’s talk boys – more specifically, let’s talk boys you need to stay the heck away from.
10: The Perpetual Student
An education is important, especially if you want a good career and a stable financial future. Meeting an educated man that has put time into pursuing his life’s calling is wonderful. Be concerned, however, if the man’s life calling changes at the beginning of every school year. Not only does a constantly changing career path signal a lack of passion or a lack of confidence in one’s passion, it also likely comes with a ton of student loans and debts you might have to end up helping your man pay off if he doesn’t find a career and stick with it.
09: The Mama’s Boy
A man with Mommy issues is going to have very high expectations of you. There’s no avoiding it. He will compare everything you do with how his mother does it. Sometimes mama’s boys come off as cute and endearing but that charm will wear off. Be worried about guy that talks about his mother all the time, is always on the phone with her or doesn’t seem capable of saying no to her. If there is a conflict between you and his mother – and there will be if you end up in a long term relationship – you’ll need to know he’ll have your back.
08: The Career Obsessed Man
Money is wonderful and a good career is a great way to build a solid future… financially at least. If your man only has money on his mind and is completely wrapped up in his career, you need to consider how that will impact your relationship. If you are okay with always playing second fiddle to a briefcase and a tie (or a guitar or whatever is appropriate) then by all means, go for it. You’re life is your life and if you’re happy with the big house, the nice car and guy you never see and who will always choose work over what you need or want, then the career obsessed man might be the guy for you. Just don’t be surprised if you find yourself lonely in the end.
07: The Tortured Soul
This one gets me every time – at least it did until I met my husband. Falling in love with a tortured soul will get you nothing but pain because the tortured soul will never be happy and it’s very hard to be happy when the person you love is miserable. Often brooding, mysterious and somehow beautiful, the tortured soul calls to you and draws you in with his sensitivity. That sensitivity is wonderful in the beginning but will eventually become exhausting. He probably plays guitar, writes poems and smokes a ton of pot. Fun for a fling but leave your heart out of it.
06: The Jailbird
A guy who has been to jail is not necessarily a bad man. People make mistakes and some people make mistakes that land them in jail. What you need to be worried about is a man that is constantly making mistakes that put him behind bars. Those aren’t mistakes anymore, they’re habits and until the man gets rid of those habits, it’s best to stay away.
05: The Man-Child
You want a man with a sense of humor – someone you can have fun with, laugh with and be silly with. All of those things are an important elements for a successful relationship. You need to be able to have a good time. You need to worry, however, if a man has absolutely no serious side. The relationship will be fun, but when it comes time to deal with a problem, you need to know your man can be mature enough to help you handle it. Life is not all video games and fart jokes. You need someone who can help you through the tough times and that is not the man-child.
04: The Control Freak
A controlling guy is going to make you miserable unless you’re a mindless drone who can’t do anything for yourself. If you allow him to control you, he will control you. It could be something simple like choosing what you wear. Maybe he buys you the clothes and you’re okay with that. Then maybe it moves on to your hair… your makeup… your friends. If he tries to make you do something you don’t want to do, then he isn’t a guy you should be wasting your time on.
03: The Married Man
If a married man that’s willing to step outside of his marriage one of two things is true: A) he’s a liar B) he’s a coward. There is no C. If his wife is making him miserable he should leave especially if there are kids involved. Kids should never have to grow up in an unhappy home. If the guy tells you horror stories about his evil wife you need to take them with a grain of salt but you also need to remind yourself that his dramatic marriage is not your problem and is none of your business. Even if he does leave his wife for you, how can you honestly expect to trust him?
02: The Serial Cheater
I will never understand why women hook up with known cheaters. I will never understand why I’ve done the same thing many times. If he has cheated on every girlfriend he’s ever had, he will cheat on you. You might want to believe you can change him but you can’t. As much as we’d like to believe otherwise, we aren’t magic. Some guys eventually grow out of the whole cheating thing, but until that guy decides he wants to change, you’re doomed to suffer the same fate as every woman before you.
01: The Abuser
Spotting an abuser isn’t easy. There is no profile that tells you what an abuser looks like. Abusers are often sweet and charming, but there are warning signs to look for. Is he quick to temper? Does he drink an excessive amount? Is he controlling? Is he unreasonably jealous? Most important, have your friends, family members or even strangers warned you that he’s violent? Has he been charged with abuse or has he been to prison for violent crimes? If you have reason to believe the guy is an abuser please, please do yourself a favor and stay away. Ignoring this one could cost you your life.
Have you fallen for any of these guys? Have you fallen for any of these guys repeatedly? Any guys I missed on this list? Let me know in the comments section below. Also, a quick thank you to those of you who have sent questions for my forthcoming advice column. I’m compiling the questions now but am always looking for more. You can send questions to me via e-mail or via Twitter. Thanks again, and thanks for reading.