Jersey Shore Season 3 Episode 12 ‘A House Divided’

With only three episodes left in this, the third season, of Jersey Shore, things are getting heated. There is no way to avoid writing about the Sammi/Ronnie drama this time because, like the disease it is, it infects everyone in the house. After a brief recap of last week’s Jersey Shore, we get right back into the fight that closed the episode.

Ron and Sammi brawling again.

Yeah, so after initially insisting she did nothing wrong, Sammi finally admits she acted shady by ‘hitting up’ Arvin’. For those that don’t remember, Arvin is the guy that Sammi has been texting since she broke up with Ronnie – the guy she asked to meet her at ‘Karma’. Ronnie’s angry that Sam would move on so quickly, but also wouldn’t tell him about Arvin. Sammi apologizes for what she’s done and Ronnie asks the obvious question, “So if a girl showed up looking for me…?”. Sammi’s response? “I would kill her.” And that, folks, is why I hate Sammi.

Deena amuses herself.

I have been pretty honest about my severe dislike of all things Ron and Sammi, so I treasure these little moments with the other Jersey Shore kids. In my very humble opinion, Deena and Snooki are the saving graces of this show. They get themselves in a little drama here and there, but they also bring the comedy. Their fascination with the cardboard box was one of the highlights of the episode for me. Snooki kicks it around for a while which leads to her uttering the words, “I like to punt s**t” and also leads to her falling on her ass. Deena takes a less violent approach and plays with it which leads to her getting stuck inside. When you know there’s a war brewing in the house, you need to take time for the little things, I suppose.

Ron and Sam sit down to talk. Yeah. That's not a waste of time.

With Sammi finally admitting she did something wrong, Ron and Sammi head outside to discuss what will happen between them. I’m hoping Ronnie will tell her to go smush herself and walk away, but I know that’s wishful thinking. Sammi tells Ronnie she texted Arvin to get back at him. I still don’t entirely see what she’s supposed to be getting back at him for.  Things that happened months ago and he’s been trying his hardest to  make up for? Yeah.

Ronnie shares his feelings about Sammi and the whole Arvin mess.

At this point in the episode, I actually have hope for the direction things are headed in. Ronnie hits the confessional thing and admits he isn’t sure he loves Sammi anymore – that he’s ‘ew’ about her and isn’t sure he wants to be with ‘a girl like that’. Now here’s where I beat up on Ronnie a little. Is he actually surprised Sammi’s a little shady? Let’s remember how she and Ronnie hooked up. Sammi and Mike had something going and she ditched Mike in a hot second for Ronnie – having no guilty feelings at all for hurting Mike. She has been shady from the start. No surprises here. Even so, when you love someone, you tend to overlook things like that until they come to the surface again. That’s all that’s happening here – Sammi is showing her true colors. The ‘sweetest bitch you ever met’ indeed – just not sure how much sweet there really is. These days, all I’m seeing is the sour.

Sammi's confessional.

“Ron wants nothing to do with me. I go to sleep in my own bed tonight. Alone. Completely alone.” This is the quote we get from Sammi’s confessional after we see her trying to convince Ron to go to bed with her. How in the hell is she surprised he wants nothing to do with her. I can already sense the girls are going to somehow take her side. Girl code aside, your ‘girl’ is wrong. And she isn’t even your girl. She chose Ron over you. Put the bitch out to pasture. She doesn’t deserve any friends in that house. She should reap what she’s sewn and what’s she’s sewn is nothing but Angelina style drama.

Deena's last day at the Shore Store.

The only thing that surprises me about Deena not wanting to work on her last day at the Shore Store is that Danny actually seems surprised by Deena not wanting to work. Really? I mean, this girl hasn’t shown herself to have the strongest work ethic. It’s not like that’s going to suddenly change on her last day. Danny names her the ‘worst, worst employee of the 2010 season’. Deena seems pretty happy with her title and why wouldn’t she be. She earned it.

Vinny offers to take Snooki for burgers.

I’m always happy to see some Vinny and Snooki scenes, but I have a bad feeling about this one right from the start. Vinny offers to take Snooki for burgers (or sandwiches when Snooki seems to object to the idea of burgers) and says it’ll be his treat. Something about his demeanor – mainly his sullen facial expression – makes me think he isn’t a happy boy. Hope I’m wrong about this one.

The conversation turns to sex and things get awkward.

Now, I have to call Vinny out here a little bit. Snooki had made it pretty clear she is starting to develop feelings for Vinny beyond their ‘friends with benefits’ arrangement, something she once again admits in her confessional. Vinny knows this. Maybe talking about the other girl isn’t a good idea; especially when merely bringing up Pauly’s girl got Snooki’s back up. In situations like this tact is important. It doesn’t quite seem Vinny’s figured that out. At the same time, it’s not like Snooki isn’t bringing other guys home, but the difference is, she doesn’t bring them up in conversation.

Vinny's redemption. Sorta

I would like to point out before I start in on Vinny’s confessional, that I write these recaps as I watch the episode so sometimes things I write in one paragraph will have completely changed by the next one. That’s the case here. Vinny’s explanation of his relationship with Snooki is actually pretty sweet. Vinny admits things could get serious with Snooki and even admits he has genuine feelings for her. He says he apologizes for bringing other girls home because he wants Snooki to know she’s important and the other girls aren’t. I’m not sure Snooki gets that, but she’s kind of an emotional basketcase (and more than a little hypocritical) so I at least applaud Vinny for trying. While it might seem not bringing other girls home would be a good idea, that’s only really fair to Vinny if Snooki stops bringing home other guys. What these two need to do is decide what they want and go for it. Otherwise, they’re going to lose their friendship completely.

Vinny gets his ears pierced.

Oh those Shore boys and their peer pressure. After bring pressured by Pauly and Ronnie since Miami to take the plunge, Vinny gets his ears pierced. He freaks out a bit at first, but he finally goes through with it, causing Pauly to proclaim that his ‘little boy is becoming a man’ and that Vinny looks ‘fresh to death’. I haven’t had the chance to mention it yet this week, but I love Pauly D.

Getting ready for the club.

Vinny: “Yo Pauly! What’s Deena’s favorite part of Mario Bros?”

Pauly: “Denim, denim, denim.”

Poor Deena. She knows she looks good, but the boys just won’t stop mocking her choice of attire for the evening. In fairness, it was pretty funny.  The only real problem I had with this whole portion of the episode (which I’m sure will come as no surprise to any of you) was that Ronnie – being the rocket scientist that he is – asks Sammi if she wants to get some wine and stay home instead of going out. She agrees. Here we go again.

Hey look! Danielle!

We all remember Danielle, right? The crazy girl that has been stalking Pauly on and off since Jersey Shore started. The girl that fell hopelessly in love the night she met him and pretty much blew her chances with him by A) saying she’s saving herself for marriage and B) going bat poop crazy and following him everywhere. The girl that threw a drink in his face? Yeah – here she is again. Danielle has complained the show makes her look like a stalker. She could probably avoid looking like that if she, ya know, didn’t stalk Pauly and threaten to beat Vinny up.

Poor, poor Pauly.

While Mike jokes that Danielle wants to tie Pauly up and slowly cut off his hair, I’m not entirely convinced that isn’t true. She doesn’t make herself look any saner by asking Pauly is she wants her to punch him. She has her friends tell her she wants to go back to his house. Back away from the blow out, lady. Pauly doesn’t want you. Not only does Pauly not want you, he’s afraid of you and it isn’t hard to imagine why. I feel for the guy. I really do. This woman is clearly unbalanced. At this point, I’m actually wondering if a restraining order would be overly cautious or just a smart idea.

Ronnie and Sammi talk over burgers.

Yay! More Sammi and Ronnie. I guess this scene wasn’t actually all that bad as far as drama is concerned. I have to admit something here. I have this extreme and uncontrollable hatred for lip-smacking while eating. Calling it a pet peeve would be a huge understatement. Therefore, this scene made me want to tear my hair out. More annoying than the lip smacking? Ronnie’s incredibly insightful confessional  ‘revelation’. “Right now, me and Sam definitely have trust issues.” Right now? Seriously, Ronnie? But thanks for sharing that because none of us got that one on our own.

Yup - there goes the neighborhood.

Good Lord love a duck. We all knew this was coming, but come on. Sammi says her house mates are definitely going to have their opinions, but what can she do? How about stay the hell away from Ronnie or at the very least, keep your legs closed. Sammi, Ronnie and their whole twisted relationship is just ridiculous.

"I'm an old woman who likes to party."

Back at the club, the rest of the Shore kids are finding Aztec a little light on potential partner options with Vinny calling the selection the worst he’s ever seen. One woman, who Pauly described as, not a ‘grenade’ but an ‘atomic bomb’ was trying pretty hard to get the boys to dance with her, but I think it was all in good fun. I actually felt a little bad for her. It would’ve been cool to see Vinny and Pauly play along – at least a little bit.

Introductions.

Vinny and Pauly aren’t really feeling any of the girls at the club, so they just take home a few girls to see what happens. Mike seems to have come home alone – possibly separate of everyone else. Is he outgrowing the club scene? Is he getting more picky? Perhaps Jenni’s little sex ed lesson scared some sense into him. Everyone’s having a good time drinking and what not. Then there’s a knock on the door.

Chill out Vinny.

The knock on the door is one of the girls’ brothers. Vinny starts freaking out for no conceivable reason. He’s asking if the brother is there to take the girls away. Calm down, man. It’s not like you’re in love with them. You just wanna get it wet. It won’t be the end of the world if you don’t. The brother is trying to explain he’s not there to put a kink in anyone’s plans. He’s the driver for the night and needs to know if the girls are looking for a ride home that night or if he should come back the next day. With that settled, Vinny’s happy. Pauly, on the other hand, isn’t really feeling his girl so he not-so-politely asks if the brother can give his girl a ride home that night and come back the next morning for Pauly’s girl. The brother – inexplicably – says sure.

Oh Vinny no. Just... no.

Pauly’s girl isn’t happy, calling Pauly a dick (I agree, actually, despite my deep love for him) and saying she’d rather f**k Mike anyway. That leads me to believe said girl is either a liar, or insane. Pauly over Mike any day of the week. Vinny gives up and gives both girls the boot. Vinny is kind of being a dick, which really surprises me. He’s normally not like that. He takes it to a whole new level, though, when he grabs Snooki’s arm and tries to drag her to the bedroom. He insists he’s kidding, but some jokes just aren’t funny. At all. The look on Pauly’s face says it all. If Pauly isn’t laughing, you know you screwed up.

Vinny says he's kidding. Snooki tells him to get away.

Vinny continues to insist he’s just joking around with Snooki but Snooki continues to insist she doesn’t want Vinny anywhere near her. In the confessional, Mike throws his two cents in and agrees with Snooki – it just wasn’t cool. I have to assume the objection wasn’t the joke as much as it was that the joke was made in front of the entire house. Pauly seems a little shocked and I have to admit, I am too. This just isn’t the Vinny we know, but this new Vinny was just getting started.

Seriously, Vinny - time to back off.

Is Vinny coked up? Is he on crank? There was something seriously off about Vinny in last night’s episode and it made me see him in a whole new light – and that isn’t a kind light at all. After air humping Snooki against the wall he tries to carry her to his bedroom. Pauly steps in the way and tells Vinny he’s changed. Under any other circumstance, it would seem cliche but it definitely fit. Vinny continues the douchebaggery after Snooki goes to bed (alone) by challenging Sammi to a battle. Then he falls flat on his face. By the time he goes to bed, everyone seems to be asking the same thing – what the hell was up with Vinny? I’ll admit, Vinny kind of had a point – Snooki is all over him when she’s drunk, but this was a whole new level, and definitely not cool at all.

Mike takes a nap on his last day of work and gets boxed in.

It was the last day of work for Pauly, Jenni and Mike. Mike takes a little nap in the back room and gets boxed in by the delivery guy. He tries to argue he couldn’t get out and therefore couldn’t work, but Danny isn’t hearing it. Mike gets fired from the Shore Store on his very last day there for the summer.

This is what happens when you sleep with your contacts in.

Following her smush with Ronnie, Sammi goes to sleep with her contacts in. She wakes up in the morning and can’t see. Ronnie has to drive her to the doctor. For any other couple, that would probably be a pretty undramatic event. Not for Ronnie and Sammi though. While they’re gone, Ronnie’s mom, Connie, calls the Shore house several times and she’s drunk out of her mind. Deena tries talking to her first but hands the phone to Jenni. Jenni doesn’t feel like talking about the Ronnie/Sammi drama so she hands the phone to…

... Mike?

I have to wonder how Jenni thought giving the phone to Mike was a good idea. Mike tells Ronnie’s Mom all about the situation (no pun intended) with Arvin and when Ronnie and Sammi get home, Jenni rats on Mike. I’m beginning to see Jenni as more of a trouble maker than Mike although I’m sure it’s closer to a tie. Regardless, as Ronnie is on the phone trying to soothe his drunken mother, Sammi is preparing to lose it on Mike. Um, hi – Sammi? Perhaps you should take a moment to look at what’s going on a little more closely. If you did, I’m sure you’d see it was no one’s fault but your own. Regardless, all hell breaks loose and the house finds itself divided by gender – the boys on Team Ronnie and the girls on Team Sammi. I fail to see how anyone can be on Team Sammi at this point.

Sammi Sweetheart shall now be dubbed Sammi Shady.

Mike hatches a plan and really, it seems like a pretty fair one. He’ll call Arvin and have him spill his guts while everyone is listening – Sammi included. At that point, Sammi will have the chance to respond to what Arvin says and defend herself. Ronnie noticed Sammi looks a little nervous about that. And apparently for good reason. The episode ends with Mike making that fateful call to Arvin and learning that Sammi has in fact ‘made out’ with him, although they’ve never actually hooked up (smushed, I assume). Mike hands the phone to Ronnie so he can ask whatever he wants to ask and get the answers straight from the horse’s mouth. Arvin tells Ronnie that he never hooked up with Sammi but that, yes, they did make out. The episode ends with Ronnie storming out to the patio and calling Sammi ‘the biggest liar in the world’.

Seriously, is anyone else tired of the Ronnie and Sammi saga? Does anyone actually think Mike is to blame? Sound off in the comments section below and make sure you come back for my full recap of the season finale of Jersey Shore.

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