There is a lot of pressure on the first date. You want the guy to like you, the guy wants you to like him and you both just hope to get through the whole thing without embarrassing yourselves. First dates are often awkward and uncomfortable, but there are a few ways you can get through it and make a good impression. To help you on your first date, here is a list of ten things you should try to avoid if you want to get a boyfriend.
10: Avoid talking about ex-boyfriends.
If you’ve recently gone through a breakup, you’re going to be tempted to talk about your ex. It’s generally a pretty good idea to avoid jumping right back into the dating scene after a breakup for this exact reason. The guy you’re on a date with doesn’t want to hear about your ex. It doesn’t matter how you play it. If you talk about your ex like he’s the best guy in the world the new guy is going to think you’re not over him yet. If you talk about your ex like he’s the worst guy ever born (even if he is) you’re going to look bitter. Little anecdotes here and there about your ex aren’t a bad thing but make sure you’re talking about other things – music, movies, anything – more than you’re talking about your ex.
09: Avoid dominating the conversation.
Of course you don’t want to just sit back and let him do all the talking but make sure you’re giving him the chance to talk too. Ask him a question and let him answer. This allows you to get to know him, shows him you’re interested. If you’re naturally the conversation dominating sort of person, don’t try to change that to make him happier because once you’re dating, you’re going to go right back to being that person. Instead, be honest. Warn him up front. That way he knows that you’re honest with yourself about who you are and want him to be honest with you. If he tries to jump into the conversation, let him! You never know, you might really like to talk and he might really like to listen. Match made in heaven!
08: Avoid looking like you can’t make a decision.
If your date asks you where you would like to eat or what movie you would like to see, you’re being given an opportunity for conversation. Take that opportunity. Tell him honestly what restaurant you’d like to go to or what movie you’re most interested in seeing. Don’t worry if it’s the type of food you think he’d like or the movie you think he’d want to see. If you’re not sure about specifics, tell him what interests you. If you’re the up-for-anything sorta girl, tell him that too but try to make at least a suggestion. You might not realize it, but guys like knowing their girl isn’t spineless. You don’t have to fight over it but giving your opinion or at least some things is a must. Try suggesting a restaurant if you’re not interested in anything at the theater and then let him pick the movie. If you’re not really fussy when it comes to food, choose the movie and let him choose the restaurant. Compromise is a great way to start a relationship off on the right foot.
07: Avoid over or under dressing for the date.
If you know in advance where you’re going on your date, pick clothes that aren’t too ‘dressy’ for the location but aren’t too casual, either. You want to look attractive, but that doesn’t mean wearing the most revealing clothes possible. You don’t want to look trashy. Choose something flattering but comfortable. If you’re going somewhere more upscale, nothing – and I mean nothing– beats the standard little black dress with a nice pair of pumps and a nice silver jewelry. If you’re not sure where you’re going, choose a casual pair of pants – not jeans or sweats, but nothing overtly dressy – and pair it with a dressy shirt.
06: Avoid continually asking if he’s having fun.
You should be able to tell by the way he’s reacting to you if he’s having fun. He’ll laugh and smile. He’ll seem interested in what you’re saying or the conversation the two of you are having. Constantly asking if he’s having a good time or how he feels the date is going makes you seem needy and insecure – not two of the most desirable traits in a woman. If you’re needy and insecure, you really need to work on your confidence before you’re going to be able to find a boyfriend and have a happy relationship. Save the question for the end of the date if you ask it at all.
05: Avoid whining about your job/friends or anything else, really.
Would you like a guy that’s always whining about one thing or another? Whining makes you look like a negative person and that’s not something most guys are going to respond to in a positive way. If he asks about work and you’re not crazy over your job, you don’t have to lie or try to positive spin on it. Just don’t dwell on it. Tell him what you do and how you feel about it – honestly – and then move on. Ask him what he does and if he likes his job. Maybe you can find something in common there. After all, most people aren’t doing back flips about their careers. If you’re having personal problems, don’t be afraid to share them, but perhaps it’s best to wait until the second or third date.
As an aside to this one, try to avoid making everything about you. Not every story he tells has to relate to you in some way. This is a common mistake both men and women make and not just on dates. You want to feel included and like you’re contributing, but it can come off as phony – especially if the stories aren’t true. Instead, just listen to his story and give him feedback. “That’s funny!” “That sucks!” “How did he get out of serving time in jail for that?” “What happened to the porcupine?” Whatever. Give your opinion or ask a related follow up question, but don’t try to relate everything he says to something you or your friends have done. Classic example:
Him: “My buddy and I had the most disastrous road trip! The car broke down in the middle of nowhere and we had to walk ten miles to a garage. By the time we got there, the garage was closed. We ended up walking back, sleeping in the car and calling his Mom to pick us up in the morning!”
You: “Oh my God! That’s like when my friends and I didn’t have the money to pay for dinner and had to wash dishes.”
No… that’s not even remotely similar. We all do it. If you find you’ve said something like that, laugh it off and acknowledge your story wasn’t like his at all. Don’t just let it slide. ‘Fessing up will be charming and will let him know you were actually listening to what he said. You might even get a good laugh out of it. After acknowledging it, comment on his story, ask questions or move on to the next subject.
04: Avoid trying to impress him by faking an interest in things he likes.
If he says he likes scuba diving and you tell him you’re a big fan as well when you’re not, you’re going to wind up looking ridiculous. He’ll want to talk more about it as it will seem to him that you have something in common. If you’re interestedin scuba diving (genuinely interested, not just interested to make conversation), you can tell him you’d like to know more about the subject but haven’t had the opportunity to learn. This opens up a wonderful conversation you’ll both enjoy. If you’re only going to pretend to be interested, you’re going to get bored quickly when he starts explaining things to you and boredom is pretty hard to hide. This goes for any subject. Politics are also tricky. Don’t get yourself into a political debate on a first date unless you know what you’re talking about. It’ll probably lead to an argument. Heated intelligent debate can be extremely stimulating and fulfilling to both parties, but only if you can both form solid, educated points and are both interested in the subject.
03: Avoid awkward silences.
I know this will sound a bit ridiculous, but it will help eliminate awkward silences. Try to come up with a few conversion ideas in advance. If you know anything about him, try to find conversation topics where you might have common ground. Don’t research things you know he likes to try to impress him. It will come off as phony. If you have an interest in something you know he likes but don’t know much about it, ask him questions about it. You’ll learn more about something you’re interested in and you’ll find something you know he’s going to like talking about. Movies, music, sports, art, books and various things like that are usually good conversation starters as well. Ask him what movies he likes and then suggest things you’ve seen that he might like. Try to stick to things that are similar to what he mentioned. For example, if he says he loves Die Hard, suggesting The Notebookwill likely bring the conversation to a halt.
02: Avoid sex talk or jumping into bed on the first date.
Sometimes there’s instant attraction and the chemistry between two people is unavoidable. I’m not saying that’s a horrible thing. I think the ‘no sex until the third date’ rule is somewhat unrealistic. Just make sure you’re prepared for what could happen if you make that choice. If a guy thinks you’re easy, he might take you home, but don’t sit by the phone waiting for him to call for a second date. Remember though, not all guys are only out for sex. Not even most of them are. Just be careful. Sex complicates things and if you are both into each other, you have to be careful not to rush things. Having sex right away is definitely not a good way to keep things moving slow.
As for sex talk, you don’t need to get into a detailed account of your sexual history. If it’s a fun, casual sort of date and the subject comes up, don’t shy away from partaking in the conversation unless it makes you uncomfortable. If he’s a good guy, he’ll understand your desire to avoid that sort of conversation right off the bat. There’s nothing wrong with sex and there’s nothing wrong with being sexual person. Overt sex talk, however, can make you appear trashy or easy. Keep it light and casual and, unless sex is a top priority for you (again, there’s nothing wrong with that), let him bring up the sex stuff. Chances are, he’s not going to want to dive into that conversation right away either.
01: Avoid acting like who you think he wants you to be.
If he doesn’t like you for you than a relationship between the two of you isn’t going to work. Be yourself. Give him an idea of who you are as a person but leave a little something to the imagination. Don’t try to be the funny girl, the smart girl or the sweet girl. Chances are you’re a little bit of all of those. What makes you who you are is what makes you interesting. Don’t underestimate that. It isn’t a load of crap. I’m not selling any products here. It’s the honest truth. You will find someone who likes you for who you are. Don’t settle for anything less.