While many women believe that speaking to their daughters about relationships and love may be an easy task, since they have been through the notions themselves – many quickly find when the time arises – that nothing can prepare them for the task at hand. Whether they like to admit it or not, teenage girls look to their parents, siblings and family members as subconscious examples of what relationships should be like – both romantic and platonic. Depending on your own situation at the time, it can sometimes be quite hard to help your daughter differentiate between the cards you have been dealt and the ones you wish upon her. Often times, speaking to your daughter about sex and relationships can be harder than speaking to your sons, as girls tend to be more inquisitive and are absolutely more emotional. You want them to be a lady but also stand their ground. You want them to love freely but also want them to safeguard themselves from getting hurt. It is virtually a catch 22 from all angles!
Cater Your Words around Her Personality
You know your daughter, probably better than anyone. So you should be well aware about her personality, her character and her values. This should be the basis of how you convey information and opinions to her, as she will surely be naïve about one thing or another. While some young women learn early on that they want to pursue a traditional relationship that caters ore towards the old-fashion courting style of dating, others prefer to acquire a more New Age feel, stabilizing their independence. The type of man that a woman is attracted to especially in their early hormone stages, is usually the type of man that bears what she lacks herself. For example, if a young woman is shy that she will want a man that is outspoken to speak up for her, a man that is confident enough to defend her and of course, strong enough to protect her. When speaking to your daughter about relationships, find out, without pressuring her, what type of man she is looking for, so you can give her the best advice possible of how to go about finding the happiness that she deserves.
A Woman’s First Example of a Good Man is Her Father
Many mothers, especially those that are no longer with the father of the child, become extremely concerned about the age old notion that a girl’s first impression of a good man is her father. In most of these cases, mother’s often worry that although things may not have worked out for their relationship that the father will still uphold his responsibilities with his daughter, as he still is the prime example of how a man should act for his daughter. For example, studies have shown that during the very first conversation about relationships between mother and daughter, 75% of daughters bring up something that their father has done or made their father a prime example during the conversation. This comparisons are quite normal, in fact. Growing up, the men in the family are usually the only examples a young woman has of relationships. If they constantly see their mother upset, they will subconsciously take this into their adulthood and formulate opinions of how a man treats their woman. However, there are seldom cases where the young woman takes these examples into their adulthood in reverse manner. This means that they will seek a man who does not argue at all, to avoid the same issues that their mother has faced throughout their childhood.
Talk to Your Daughter Honestly
Although a mother’s first intuition is to speak to their daughter in a fairy tale manner and direct her to find that perfect man that even her age knows does not exist. However, since any mother wants more for their daughter, they tend to sugar coat reality and give their daughter advice that is based on a wild goose chase for the perfect man. While there will always remain the possibility that she will find them, odds are that she will only find a reflection of him and wind up getting hurt. Keep in mind when entering into these conversations with such a vulnerable mind, that you have to know what the bad feels like in order to recognize the good, most times. With that being said, many mother’s in today’s age, in light of diseases, rapes, kidnappings and in more severe cases murder, be honest with your child. Do not keep her sheltered from the world around her if you want her to be prepared for that very same world around her. The best advice you can give your daughter about relationships is truth and preparation for what she may face. Many women choose to take the alternative route instead, meaning instead of telling their daughters the truth about a world they may or may not encounter, the mother will express to the daughter the truths about the specific world that her mother has encountered. This places a stronger sense of reality to the young woman, helping her to make her own educated decisions.
