One of the most powerful tools and advantages human beings have is the ability to communicate information. Communication is the foundation of most successful relationships and outcomes. Many relationships have failed or ended because of poor communication.
However, being a good communicator is not easy to achieve. There will be times your partner may be unable to understand your message or respond to you.
Communication Rules for Healthy Relationships
The key to a good relationship lies in knowing how to communicate, what to communicate, and when to communicate. This is the best way to relate your concerns to your partner.
Here are some golden rules you could use in order to communicate better and build a healthier relationship:
- Avoid accusatory statements
Accusatory statements, though often true, will always look like confrontations and attacks to your significant other. These statements include “You are always late!” “You never help me out with chores!” “You are too emotional!” Pointing fingers and lamenting about all the attention you are not getting will not score you points.
Instead, try seeing your relationship as one that is made of two people with one goal – to be a unit. You can use “we” statements instead. Try saying “We do not spend so much time together anymore.” “I feel we are not honest with each other.”
When you treat your relationship as a partnership, you will avoid more conflicts.
- Avoid bringing up issues when you are too emotional
Timing is everything. You will get better results if you engage with your partner when he is ready to talk to you. There is usually a lot of emotions going on between couples.
A lot of things could upset you and make you feel frustrated in relationships. In as much as emotions are the main fuel of conflicts, you can avoid using them to fuel the conflict.
No matter how upset you get about anything your partner does to you, do not resort to crying or yelling. It is difficult to think rationally and make right decisions when you are yelling or wailing.
- Be completely honest with each other
In a relationship, it is important for both parties to be open with each other about how they feel. Pretending and bottling things up could set your relationship on a horrible turn. Additionally, you will become frustrated and your anger will build up until it explodes and damages your relationship permanently.
If you are uncomfortable with your girlfriend’s colleague dropping her off every day after work, talk to her about it. Be honest about how you feel even if you know she may say you are jealous, overprotective, controlling, or even crazy. It will make you feel better if you get things off your chest as they occur.
- Choose your battles
Nobody likes to be with whiners or complainers. You should know the battles to tackle and the ones not to. Issues like verbal abuse during arguments or flirting with other people should be firmly addressed as soon as they occur.
Issues relating to complimenting you more often can be dealt with through positive reinforcements. If your beau loses track of time while playing a game with his friends, let it slide. Turning every issue into a full-blown conflict will make you a nag and nobody likes to be one.
Besides, life is too short to spend too much time on quarreling and fighting with someone you love dearly.
- Conflict does not necessarily mean breakup or cheating
Just because you and your spouse are having an argument does not mean you should break up or look for someone else in the midst of your disagreement. You should not just end your relationship because you two quarreled for a week or more. If you both love each other, squabbling over one person not doing the dishes should not result in a breakup or seeking outside relief.
Do not forget that every relationship has its own set of ups and downs. Both parties will just have to be willing to weather the storm together in order to see the sunshine. If you are not willing to do this, you will have series of failed relationships.
Issues that have to do with cheating, extreme incompatibility, and abuse could call for a breakup. Check if your spouse is cheating here https://cheatingspouses.net/
- Do not discuss important things through text messages
Texting, through email, voicemail, or social media, is one of the surest ways to get your message misinterpreted. It is fun to use texts if you are just chatting for fun or dropping an instruction. However, it is not the best way to go if you sense or know there is a pending conflict.
Most times, when things are getting out of hand, it is better to make a call or meet in person. Any word can be misconstrued in a text message since you cannot read body language, tone, or facial cues. You could type a word as simple as “fine” and it will be understood in a lot of ways.
- Know how to fight
It is a conflict so you should know how to fight. But first, you need to truly listen to each other. You should know how to get your partner’s attention long enough to hear you out. Try not to talk over each other so it does not look like you two are in an argument competition.
Arguments resulting in two people shouting at each other for more than ten minutes could result in violence. Instead, calm down and take turns listening to each other without getting nasty or resorting to low-blows. Insults, name-calling, bringing up emotional triggers or bringing up the past are all examples of low blows.
- Resolve with a loving undertone
As stated earlier, the best way to resolve a conflict is to meet in person. When you are trying to resolve a conflict, you should do so with the aim to build a healthier relationship. The aim should not be to hurt the other person or just because you want to get your way.
You could try making physical contact by holding her hand, or putting an arm around him. Physical contact has a way of registering in the mind that you are not fighting because you hate each other. Instead, you are fighting because there are issues that need to be resolved so you two can be happy together.
According to Ms. Conrad, “when speaking, you have the opportunity to bring the force of your personality into play.” Relationships are hard work made easier when both parties love each other and want to make it work. Conflicts and misunderstandings are normal in relationships.
Since excess conversation could turn into a confrontation, you have to know how to communicate effectively. By following the above-written rules for communication in relationships, you can enjoy a better relationship.