It can be difficult to find someone who truly understands you, and once you find this person, you may never want to let go.
However, cracks in your relationship can cause a break-up, and while it is not impossible to get your ex back, there is absolutely nothing stopping him from leaving again, especially if the cracks still exist. You have only successfully won your ex back when he is now committed to doing his part in making the relationship work.
It is 100% possible to get back together again, as claimed by psychotherapist Toni Coleman. There are many factors that go into whether your relationship will succeed long-term.
After a breakup, you can often find yourself in emotional pain, feeling deeply saddened, lost, or devastated. Your first instinct may be to run back to your ex and beg him to stay with you. This is the most popular mistake that most newly broken-up couples make. Following a break-up, it is important to clear your mind and then create a solid plan.
The first thing you should ask yourself is why the break-up happened. Was it because of a mistake either of you made? Maybe it was due to a lack of commitment. Whatever your case may be, if you decide that the reason for the break-up is redeemable, then you can work towards getting your ex back.
Here are some easy steps to guarantee that when you get your ex back, he will stay for good:
1) Work on Yourself and Self-Growth
Time apart gives couples an excellent opportunity for self-growth, whether this may be emotionally or mentally. You can use this time to focus on your own career or personal life.
While working on yourself, it is obvious that you may miss your ex from time to time and you may even consider calling or texting him. This is one of the first mistakes you can make.
Here are a few mistakes you should avoid:
- Texting or calling your ex
Repeatedly contacting your ex does not leave any room for self-growth, and only drags you deeper into the pit you are so desperately trying to get out of. These repeated attempts at contact show your ex that you are emotionally dependent on him and this may deter him from you even further.
- Begging him to come back
You should never even think about begging your ex to come back. Not only does this show insecurity, but it shows that you are a weak person, therefore letting him manipulate you, and thus take advantage.
- Letting him take advantage of your feelings
He already knows he has a strong hold over you if you have done any of the above actions. In your desire for him to come back, you may agree to whatever ridiculous terms he asks of, no matter how undesirable they may be, and may even be subject to emotional or physical abuse. This can result in a highly toxic, and perhaps abusive relationship.
- Making it a big deal if your ex starts dating
You love him, and it may kill you to see him happy with someone else. The truth of the matter is that he is most probably in a rebound relationship to attempt to get back into the dating game. Most rebound relationships never last, and they most often occur due to your ex having a difficult time getting over you.
Of course in this step, you should refrain from any form of contact and give both yourself and him some well-deserved space. Use this time to work on your physical appearance, maybe find a few new hobbies, and invest in your career.
2) Contact Your Ex at the Right Time
After a period of self-growth, you have probably forgotten the previous clingy, desperate, insecure mindset from post-break-up. The time that has passed has given both fo you clear minds and a blank slate. According to psychologist Mariana Bockarova, Ph.D., there is no set time that you should wait before contacting him.
By this point, you have both forgotten why you left each other and are thinking of each other fondly. It is at this point that you should make your move and contact him. Your ex will most likely be astonished at the evident changes that have overcome you. However, note that this will only work if you have indeed brought positive changes into your life and you have asked your ex to meet up someplace.
Be sure not to ask your ex out for a date immediately as this does not show changed behavior, and he might definitely decline your request. It is best to start over as friends and work your way up from there.
3) Meeting Up With Your Ex
Meeting your ex may be a bit awkward, as the memories of your time together may still be fresh in both of your minds. There is a good chance your ex might not believe that you have truly changed either, and you should be prepared for whatever he might throw your way.
It is important to not discuss getting back together on the first meetup after the break-up because this shows desperation. It is best if your ex suggests it. However, note that you are not the only one who has to have changed. If he has not changed, then maybe you need some more time apart before getting back together.
Breaking up is not the end of the world. It allows opportunities for growth, as well as working on your personal lives. You should both work on yourselves and completely avoid contact for a short while. Only after you are completely secure should you reach out to him and then work things out from there. By following these three simple steps, you should be well on your way to positive change and having a happy ending with your ex.