Aside from the relationships that we have with our families, the connection and shared bond we have with our friends are some of the most important relationships we will have in our lives.
So what happens when a friend betrays you?
Someone whom you trust, regularly welcome into your home, openly tell your secrets to and have a lot of respect for?
This can be a very challenging time as you come to terms with the fact that a relationship that you valued and cherished, has come to the end of the road and you will no longer be a part of each other’s lives. Because let’s face it, there are some things that can occur within a friendship from which unfortunately; there is no recovering from!
I won’t highlight any particular thing as the “non-negotiables” are different for each of us. But if you have experienced a situation with a friend, where they have betrayed your trust, disappointed you badly and failed to meet your fair expectations of how they should treat you. Then these few pointers will help you recover and move on from the situation with your dignity intact and better equipped to handle it, if something as distressing and painful as a friend betraying you; were to happen again.
What TO Do When A Friend Betrays You
- You really must resistant the urge to character assassinate your friend, and you will feel the urge! It may feel good in the moment, but afterwards, not only will you look but you’ll also feel, like you’re 16 years old again.
- Try not to get into email wars as this will only inflame the situation. It’s always preferable to say what you have to say face to face, as there is far less room for misinterpretation. And if this really will be the last time you speak with this friend, then you will find it’s a far more satisfactory ending, to say exactly how unhappy you are and why; in person! Have confidence when you state your reasons for ending the friendship or ask them why they have betrayed your friendship. It’s also really important to actually listen to what is said even if you are angry .
- It’s ok to have a period when you are in mourning. Losing a dear friend can be like the death of a loved one, and when you know that it is permanent, and that this is not simply a case of needing some breathing space and time to get over your hurt feelings, it can take a bit of time until you’re feeling your normal happy self again.
- It’s important to find someone who you can trust and talk through your feelings with. Sometimes the only way we are able to make sense of something as painful as a friend betraying us, is to talk through the situation in the hope that we will get a clearer perspective on what has happened. You may find this painful to start with, but talking about how your feeling will definitely help you deal with the situation better.
- Choose a friend who is neutral. You don’t want to pour out your heart and soul only to have your every word repeated back to the friend who betrayed you. So choose a neutral person to talk to, who will respect your privacy and not discuss anything said by you to anyone else. If you know you have complete privacy you will feel far more confident to speak truthfully.
- Take the loss of this friendship as an opportunity to get closer to your other friends. We all have friends who we spend more time with than others; many of us have a best friend who we spend most of our social time with. These tips work just as well if you have been betrayed even by your best friend. Don’t forget, they weren’t your only friend and now is a perfect time to start building on other friendships
What NOT To Do When A Friend Betrays You
- Don’t try and act like it didn’t happen. When you experience something really unpleasant like the betrayal of a friend it can be easy to go into a state of shock, but it’s important to acknowledge and accept it.
- Discuss the situation again and again with mutual friends. It’s easy to become childish and indiscreet at times like this, especially if alcohol is involved. Do not lower your standards of behaviour my talking unnecessarily badly of your ex-friend, why not be the bigger person!
- Try and replace this friendship with another one too soon. We can be on the rebound in all kinds of relationships including friendships. It’s always a good idea to think about what lessons can be learned from the experience that you just had, before you rush to replace the friendship with another one. If you don’t want to be betrayed by a friend again, then it will serve you well to choose your next new friendship wisely.
- Give yourself a hard time about it. Whilst there are always two sides to every story, if you have taken an honest look at your actions within the friendship and still conclude that this friend betrayed you and their behaviour was quite simply wrong. Then put the blame where it is rightly deserved, and don’t be too hard on yourself.
When a friend betrays you it is an upsetting and stressful time in your life, full of questions and doubts. But you can get over this situation if you take the correct steps to move forward. The above tips will help you recover from the loss of your friendship, grow as a person and make better friendship choices in the future.
If you have any other suggestions of what TO do, or equally important, what NOT to do when a friend betrays you, then why not share them in the comments section with us. After all, at some stage in life, most if not all of us; will have to deal with something like this.