I’ve always hated my name. The name ‘Wanda’ never appeared on any little personalized trinkets for sale at dollar stores, gift shops and gas stations. Please, Mom – something normal. Maybe Elizabeth… Beth for short. But no, my name is Wanda and at the ripe old age of 28, I’ve come to accept that. And really, Wanda isn’t all that bad. Especially compared with some of the names celebs saddle their kids with.
Celebrities and their crazy naming habits have definitely helped me come to terms with my unique moniker. I won’t lie. I feel I owe my mother a debt of gratitude for my name. She blessed me with a name that is unique but not completely insane; especially when stacked against the celebrity names on this list.
Whenever you look at a list of the craziest celebrity baby names, there are a few names that show up every time that I don’t agree with in the least. These names are unique but not completely out there like some of their counterparts.
- Apple and Moses Martin (Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin)
- Memphis Eve Hewson (Bono and Alison Hewson)
- Hopper Jack Penn (Sean Penn and Robin Wright-Penn)
- Harlow and Sparrow Madden (Nicole Richie and Joel Madden)
- Bronx Mowgli Wentz (Ashlee Simpson-Wentz and Pete Wentz)
- Coco Arquette (Courtney Cox-Arquette and David Arquette)
- Sage Moonblood (Sylvester Stallone and Sasha Czack)
- Tallulah, Rumer and Scout Willis (Bruce Willis and Demi Moore)
A strange middle name does not a strange name make. We’ll talk more about this theory when we get to Penn Jillette a bit later in this article. For now, though let’s talk about Sage and Bronx. I think both names are fine for a child, even if the middle names are a bit over the top. It’s hard to hate on these names when considered alongside the names that actually made it onto the list. Let’s begin.
20: Everly Bear (Anthony Keidis and Heather Christie)
One expects an unusual name coming from the front man of the Red Hot Chili Peppers; a band known for challenging the norm. I actually sort of like this. I have to imagine the child goes by Ev or Lee, though.
19: Bluebell Madonna Halliwell (Spice Girl and solo artist, Geri Halliwell)
The story behind Bluebell’s name is really quite lovely. Halliwell thought the name was perfect for her daughter because the bluebell is an increasingly rare flower. I suppose the little girl could have some cute nicknames – Blue and Belle being the obvious ones, but even so, definitely a strange name.
18: Dandelion (Keith Richards and Anita Pallenberg)
One would expect a weird, hippy sort of name from Keith Richards, yes? Even so, Dandelion was a little out there. In all honesty, I like it. I think it’s unique without crossing the border into completely outrageous, but I still pity the child with the name. She is, after all, named after a weed albeit a pretty weed.
17: Fuchsia Catherine Sumner (Sting and Frances Tomelty)
Born to Sting and his first wife, Fuchsia took the route many of the younger kids on this list will likely take – she goes by ‘Kate’, the short form of her middle name. Like Zuma, Kate has to wonder why she was saddled with the name Fuchsia when her brother from Sting’s marriage to Tomelty was given the name Joseph and her half siblings from Sting’s marriage to Trudy Styler are Bridget, Jake, Eliot and Giacomo.
16: Kal-el (Nicolas Cage and Alice Kim)
Nicolas Cage wanted to avoid giving the appearance that he got an unfair advantage in the film industry by dropping his last name (Coppala) in favor of Cage, which he took from Marvel superhero, Luke Cage. Yes, Nic likes his comic books. When it came out that he’d named his son after Superman, no one was surprised; imagining the tot’s name would be Clark or Kent. No. Nicolas named his son Kal-el – Superman’s Krypton name.
15: Kyd Miller Duchovny (David Duchovny and Tea Leoni)
Naming your child Kyd – even with the different spelling – just seems to lack all imagination. Can you imagine how this goes on the playground? “C’mere, Kyd!” No one can see the different spelling when you just say his name. No wonder he chose to go by Miller. To be honest, I like the name, but for a goat not a child.
14: Banjo Griffiths (Rachel Griffiths and Andrew Taylor)
This name isn’t actually as bizarre as it sounds. Rachel and Aussie boyfriend, Andrew, named Banjo after a famous Australian poet – the same poet that wrote “Waltzing Matilda”. One has to wonder why they didn’t choose Matilda or the masculine form of Matilda (although I can’t think of one right now) because short of explaining the story every time someone asks, this child is saddled with a pretty weird name.
13: Diezel Ky and Denim Cole (Toni Braxton)
Diezel is a weird name for a child, but it’s almost forgivable. It sounds tough and rugged if not a bit bizarre. I actually kind of like it although it’s nothing I’d name my child – maybe a dog… like a big ass kickin’ dog like a Rotweiller or something, but not a child. Denim, on the other hand, no, there’s no excuse. You don’t name your child after an article of clothing.
12: Rocket, Racer, Rebel, Rhiannon and Rogue (Robert Rodriguez)
There are many parents that like to keep the bizarre naming trend going throughout their family unit. Robert Rodriguez is one example, but there are worse offenders out there and we’ll get to them in a minute. To be honest, I really like Rebel, Rhiannon and Rogue. They’re unique names and they fit in with the ‘double R’ theme but at a certain point it seems like Robert just started using random ‘r’ words.
11: Zuma Nesta Rock Rossdale (Gwen Stefani and Gavin Rossdale)
I have to admit, I kind of like this one, but when you compare it with Zuma’s brother’s name, Kingston James, it seems like Zuma got the short end of the stick in the naming department.
10: Speck Wildhorse and Hud Mellencamp (John Mellencamp and Elaine Irwin)
John has five kids; Michelle, Teddi Jo, Justice, Speck and Hud. Yes, Teddi Jo is a bit bizarre. I’ve always liked the name Justice but Speck and Hud? I just can’t get behind that. I like Mellencamp. I like his politics and the fact that he speaks his mind, but these names? Those poor boys.
09: Pirate and Zeppelin Houseman Davis (Jon and Deven Davis)
When your father is the vocalist for Korn and your mother is a former p*n star, it’s going to be a tough road for you in school. Being saddled with names like Pirate and Zeppelin won’t make it any easier. The upside? I can see Jon and Deven being the type of parents that will teach their kids to be proud of who they are. At least I hope so anyway.
08: Moxie Crimefighter (Penn and Emily Jillette)
To be fair to Penn and Emily, the name Crimefighter was never meant to be a serious part of their child’s name. Emily doesn’t have a middle name and since the middle name is rarely used they decided to have a little fun with it. That’s all well and fine, but that doesn’t really explain Moxie.
07. Fifi Trixibelle, Peaches and Pixie Geldof and Heavenly Hiraani Tiger Lily Hutchence (Paula Yates and Bob Geldof/Michael Hutchence)
Paula Yates was a unique sort of woman so it stands to reason her kids have unique names. With Fifi, Peaches, Pixie and Heavenly (who goes by Tiger), she definitely found creative names. I’m not going to say much more about this one. Rest in peace, Paula and Michael.
06: Tu Simone Ayer Morrow (Rob Morrow and Debbon Ayer)
Rob is most well know for his television work on “Northern Exposure” and “Numb3rs” as well as the painfully bad joke he bestowed upon his daughter for a name. Put it together, now. Tu Morrow. Really, Rob? That’s up there with Rob Robertson, Andy Anderson and Stu Pid (yes, there is a fellow with such a name – he goes by Stewart).
05: Jermajesty Jackson (Jermaine Jackson)
People took Michael Jackson to task for naming his kids Prince Michael and Prince Michael II (Blanket), but the real star of the family in the horrible child naming department is Jermaine. Like Robert Rodriguez, Jermaine has gone with a theme. He has, Jermaine Jr., Autumn Joy (the only one of the brood without a ‘j’ first name), Jaimy, Jeremy, Jourdynn (real spelling, folks), Jaafar and finally Jermajesty. There are a few to pick from here, but I’m going with Jermajesty for the win on this one.
04: Poppy Honey, Daisy Boo, Petal Blossom Rainbow and Buddy Bear Oliver (Jamie and Jools Oliver)
Continuing on with the horrible names for all the kids trend, we come to Jamie and Jools Oliver. Jamie and Jools also have Poppy Honey and Daisy Boo. On the basis of first names alone, they’re not that bad but Buddy Bear and Petal Blossom Rainbow? If you were insistent on sticking with the flower theme with the third daughter, why not Rose or even just Blossom?
03: Moon Unit and Diva Thin Muffin Zappa (Frank Zappa and Adelaide Gail Sloatman)
Frank Zappa was a weird guy. That’s really what made him so appealing. In a time when everything felt like more of the same, Frank stood out. That didn’t change when it came to naming his children. With oldest daughter Moon Unit, Frank set the bar high, following up with son Dweezil, son Ahmet and finally, daughter Diva Thin Muffin. Not much of a problem for the kids, though as they all seem to love their names.
02: Audio Science Clayton (Shannyn Sossamon and Dallas Clayton)
I’m not really sure what I can say about this name. Shannyn has said she and her boyfriend wanted to use ‘words’ instead of proper names for their kids. These… are pretty weird words to choose. I’m not sure I would’ve gone with it, but it has a very unique vibe and I think I like that. I might be biased. I have a huge girl crush on Shannyn and would totally have a weird named baby with her… were such a thing possible.
01: Pilot Inspektor Riesgraf Lee (Jason Lee and Beth Riesgraf)
Honestly at this point, the fact that Pilot landed the number one spot on this list doesn’t really mean a lot. Is the name weirder than Audio, Moon Unit or Diva Thin Muffin? I have no idea, but Pilot Inspektor is the name Jason Lee’s son was saddled with and therefore belongs on this list. The name came from an awesome song by a band called ‘Granddaddy’ so… yeah, it’s still bizarre. Good thing Jason and Beth weren’t into Beck’s ‘Loser’ when they were picking names.
So there you have it. I know there are other weird celeb baby names out there and probably more on the way, but these ones are the best of the best (or the worst of the worst depending on how you look at it). Do you think I missed anyone? Any theories on why celebrities would bestow these names on their kids? Sound off in the comments section below!
