You often hear it said “the best way to get over someone, is to get under someone else”. Yet in a time and era where sexually transmitted diseases are rife; and women’s sexuality is becoming far more acknowledged as being ‘on par’ with their male counterparts, somehow the idea of women engaging in one night stands especially as a regular lifestyle choice, is still taboo?
Personally, I’m pro-choice. I think women should have the option to explore ‘casual sexual relationships’ in just the same way men do; without fear of judgement, condemnation or being referred to in derogatory terms.
If you have never had a one night stand, or thought that this type of sexual liaison was just for ‘cheap and easy girls’ and therefore; most definitely not for you. The following list of pro’s and cons may help you decide once and for all, whether a one night stand is something you could get down with?
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The Pros:
- You get to enjoy the experience of sex with different men whilst having the opportunity to explore your sexuality, desires and discover what turns you on without the confinement and restrictions of a traditional relationship.
- As a single woman either by choice or circumstance, you’re able to enjoy moments of physicality and intimacy with another human being.
- If both parties enter into the liaison in the full knowledge that it’s for “one night only”, there is none of that angst and overwhelming concern of whether “he’ll think your cheap in the morning” or the dreaded, “I wonder if he’ll call me”.
- You get to “try before you buy”. In other words you sleep with him on the first night, with absolutely no care as to whether “it’s going anywhere”, however if you find you have a really great connection with the guy, you already know you are sexually compatible or not, as maybe the case.
- Your free to have as much ‘guilt free’, experimental sex as you please without worrying what he or anyone else thinks of you as a person.
The Cons:
- Sexually transmitted diseases are on the rise with new HIV infections rising at a considerable rate; even in educated western cultures. This is not to mention all the other STD’s it’s possible to contract, so even though you may use protection; there is always a risk.
- Emotions get in the way. Despite popular opinion, the majority of the women I know are still emotional creatures especially in matters of sexual intimacy. If sex equals love to you, then I guess you already know the answer as to whether a ‘one night stand is for you’.
- “It only happened once”. Well in most people’s book that would still constitute as cheating. The temptation to have a one night stand if you are going through a difficult patch in your relationship is one that both men and women often succumb to; rarely does it do anything to repair your relationship or your ego.
- “Get over him, by getting under someone else”. This is a philosophy commonly doing the rounds, one often used by women struggling to get over the pain of losing a relationship they once truly treasured. Personally I would only suggest this as an option for those in the last stage of relationship grief, i.e. “you no longer give a toss”. If your still pinning for your man and the good thing you lost, chances are any one-night stand even with a tall dark and handsome stranger; will be a sore disappointment.
- Beer googles are unreliable. Maybe it’s a trick of the light, but everyone seems to look that much more attractive when you are 3-4 drinks up. In the situation where you are considering the possibility of going to bed with a man you just met, where possible try and be sober when making that decision. Not only will that help to ensure that you enter into the encounter safely, you may also find that you don’t sleep with a stinky loser you would never have gone near in a million years, had you been sober.
The holiday romance ‘ one night stand’
So, is it any different to have a one night stand if you’re on holiday; chilling with the girl’s pool side, sipping margaritas’ whilst going on the prowl for your next ‘sexual victim’ for the night?
For some women, the idea of a one night stand whilst on holiday is totally acceptable: They’re in a foreign country letting their hair down, drinking more than normal and there is too much tanned toned flesh on show – to say no. However it’s worth considering all of the points mentioned in the cons section, even before deciding to ‘go for it’ on a girls holiday.
We all know the traditionally male saying “what goes on tour, stays on tour” and whilst it’s fully possible that you can go on holiday and have a one night stand; several if you get lucky and feel so inclined, the same risks still exist both physically and emotionally. Also it’s worth remembering that although people are coming and going all the time, holiday resorts can often be small places and it’s very likely that you could bump into your ‘1 night only lover’ again and again, quite possibly with another beautiful woman on his arm each time.
Unless you’re able to take an objective and relaxed approached to the whole thing (relaxed in all things other than whether or not to use contraception that is) then the one night stand in your case, is probably best avoided. If you have been enjoying one night stands but have decided its no longer for you, and want to look for my long term and enduring ways to feel good about yourself, my article on 5 steps to live with more confidence in your life , will help.
We live in societies where more and more frequently women are enjoying the opportunity to explore their sexuality, experience sexual liberation and get up to many of the same antics that men do. The reality is often a little different though, and not all things are for all people. So, unless you’re willing to play by the often unspoken rules of a one night horizontal liaison then your best bet is to probably give it a miss, and hold out for something possibly a bit more long lasting- literally!
