There was a time when it wasn’t considered appropriate for a woman to ask a man out on a date. Thank heavens times have changed. Instead of waiting for the object of your affection to ask you out, it’s perfectly okay, now, for you to take the initiative and do the asking. That doesn’t necessarily mean it’s easy.
Approaching a guy you like can be intimidating. You want to say and do the right things. You want to make an impression but you also want to make sure that impression you make is a good one. Those nerves are your enemy, but they are pretty hard to avoid. Knowing how to ask a guy out is something every girl should know but few of us really do. Here are ten tips to making the whole thing a bit easier that will also help you increase the chances of getting the answer you’re hoping for.
10: Gather Intel.
Find out as much as you can about him. What music does he like? What kind of movies is he into? Does he have hobbies? Most importantly, is he even single? Facebook is an excellent place to gather important information about him. Check out his interests and see if you have anything in common but before you do anything, check that relationship status so you know you’re not wasting your time. If he doesn’t have Facebook or you can’t find him on there, listen to him when he’s talking to you. Ask what’s he’s interested in but be creative. Some good fact finding questions include:
- “I just heard the new (musician) song this morning. Have you heard it?” – This gives the guy the chance to tell you what he thinks about a band and opens up the possibility for a conversation about music.
- “I saw (movie) the other night. Have you seen it yet?” – This, again, opens up the chance to talk about movies and allows you to find out what kind of movies he’s into.
- “Did you take your girlfriend to see (newest chick flick)?” – This one is perhaps a little obvious so save it for a conversation about movies. It’ll seem more natural. This gives you the chance to find out if he has a girlfriend. Just try not to look like a wounded puppy if he says yes.
If over the course of the conversation you find out he has a girlfriend, don’t just shut the conversation down and walk away. You might be sad about the direction the conversation has taken but you never know what could happen in the future. Don’t leave him with a bad impression of you. Who knows? You could end up becoming great friends. At the very least, you’ll keep that line of communication open in case the girlfriend is out of the picture one day.
09: Treat yourself to something special before and after you ask him.
I would not recommend doing something radically different to your hair just before you ask him out because you never know how something like a new haircut is going to turn out. Instead, treat yourself to a meal at a restaurant you’ve been wanting to try. Buy a CD you’ve been wanting. Spend a little time in the park feeding ducks. The point is to do something that will make you feel good before you ask him. Do something you find relaxing but don’t often take the time to do. Plan a similar activity for after you ask him. If he says yes than great but if he says no, you’ve still treated yourself to an awesome day.
08: Think of something fun you can do together.
This is where the information you learned during the ‘gather intel’ stage can really come in handy. If he likes music, ask him to go to a concert with you. If there’s a movie he’s excited to see that you’re also interested in, ask him if he wants to go with you. There’s nothing wrong with asking someone to go out for coffee or dinner, but you’ll definitely increase your chances of getting a yes if you ask him to do something he’s interested in doing.
07: Don’t rush things.
You will have a much better chance of getting a yes if he knows who you are. Talk to him as often as you can. You don’t have to become best friends but at least be an acquaintance. Try to become someone he would at least say hi to should you run into him somewhere other than where you would normally see him. Take your time to build up that kind of relationship before you jump into asking him out. Give him the chance to know what kind of person you are; enough that he would be interested in finding out more.
06: Location is important.
If you can avoid asking him out while he’s working than do it. If you only ever see him when he’s working then choose a time when he’s not rushing to do something. For example, if he’s a cashier at your favorite coffee shop, ask him when he’s not in the middle of trying to wait on a long line of customers. That may mean you have to sit around with a coffee and wait a little longer than you intended but he will appreciate your consideration.
You also want to try to ask him when he’s not with a group of other people. If that’s your only opportunity, just ask him in front of his friends. Make a little small talk and then just do it. Don’t pull him aside. He might be annoyed with the interruption. Imagine how you would feel if the situation was reversed. Imagine you’re with your friends and a guy you don’t really know comes up and asks you to talk alone. It would be a little weird. Don’t make him feel weird.
05: Go alone.
It’s always tempting to have moral support along for those important moments in life but you’re asking a guy out on a date, not asking him to marry you. In the grand scheme of things, you probably won’t look back on this as one of the big milestones in your life. Having friends with you when you ask him out not only makes you seem less confident but it will put pressure on him to say yes. While that might seem like a good thing, it really isn’t. You want to know he said yes because he was interested in you not because he was nervous about saying no to you and all of your friends.
04: Listen to music that makes you feel good before you approach him.
This sounds ridiculous, but I’m completely serious. A good, upbeat song that makes you feel good playing on your iPod or MP3 player is a great way to help over those nerves. Choose a song that always puts a smile on your face. If there’s a song you listen to a lot in the morning as you’re getting ready for the day because it gets the day going on a high note, use that song. If you don’t have one of those songs, find one. A good wake up song comes in handy. It doesn’t matter if it’s a cool song. It’s all about how it makes you feel. Imagine yourself in a movie. Your wake up song should be the song you imagine them playing over the opening credits. Play yours before you approach your guy and it will make a world of difference.
03: Dress casually.
Dress like you would normally dress when you see him. If you’re normally in jeans and a t-shirt when you cross paths, wear jeans and a t-shirt to ask him out. If you don’t normally wear makeup than don’t wear makeup. Dressing up to ask someone out on a date makes you look desperate and makes you look less sure of yourself. You want to try to look nice but you also want to avoid looking like you’ve spent a huge amount of time trying to look nice for him. If he’s interested in you, he’ll be interested in you as you normally look.
02: Get to the point!
I am a rambler and that’s okay sometimes but not when you’re asking someone out. Don’t get bogged down in a lot of boring small talk. Sure a little small talk is okay but don’t waste a lot of time with it. It makes you seem less confident. Start with a little chit chat about what he’s been up to, what you’ve been up to and little things like that and then move on to the subject at hand.
01: Be confident and take rejection in stride.
This is pretty much standard in anything you do but it’s especially important when you asking someone out. You need to be confident and sure of yourself. Confidence will help with the nerves more than you can imagine. You may not get a yes but don’t take that as a slight against you. He might not be interested in dating anyone. He might already be seeing someone. He might be interested in someone else. This is a new age; he might not even be interested in your gender. Try not to take a no personally. Don’t let rejection stop you from trying again with another guy and don’t let it shake your confidence.