A mistress is a lover, not a wife!

After the marriage, men and the women are loving couples…for a period of time. Because of our animal mechanism, both, women and men are starting to get bored during years. We don’t just make sex like animals because of the morality that a man disposes of, towards them. The fealty is only a concept based on this. Earlier or later either partners want and try, successfully or not, to make a change: a man looks for a woman to experience and to satisfy his sex hunger and a woman looks for a man to make her feel young, precious and to be treated like a queen.

Being a mistress offers a lot of convenes: the woman gets dined and treated like a lady, she gets as much sex as time permits, she may even get some money for shopping not having to wash anyone else’s socks and she doesn’t have to put up with sport on the TV or have to deal with the man coming back drunk.

Having an affair with a married man isn’t morally nice- nobody likes being cheated on. The mistress is enabling a man to cheat on his wife. This is one of the reasons for making sure that the affair remains essentially meaningless. An affair should be fun, entertaining and satisfying. Neither of man or mistress should fall in love. Rules must be set and respected: if he even thinks about thinking of leaving his wife, the affair should be ended at once. A mistress does not look for commitment in a relationship. There are other men too, and beside the damage it will cause to his wife and his children, a man who can skillfully lie to his partner is no kind of partner to choose. Women who are looking for a partner should not seek out married men. However if this thing happens it should not come into notice to anyone else.

Women who are thinking about an affair must choose a man who makes her feel wonderful; she must choose a man who makes her laugh, a man who is good in bed, not a man who can make her fall in love with. An affair is about feeling good, not about feeling pain. The time spent together will be limited.

The man should not be left to fall in love. This is one of the ground rules to set out at the start of the affair. The mistress should make him know from the start she wants his body, his company, his attention, and some of his time. She won’t let him damage his marriage, and she will end it if he falls in love. However, if he says „I love you” he may not be seriously talking – he may well not really mean it- he is a man who lies to women. Setting the ground rules for both at the start of the affair means that it is easier for both to keep it light and run as few risks as possible. By setting the ground rules, even though a lot of them appear to be disempowering, the affair will be under control.

A mistress doesn’t call her lover. The big advantage of making him phone is that he will have the time and the privacy, and hopefully nothing else on his mind. The phone call is enjoyed without any strain or stress.

The mistress should keep her own life- he is only a part of it. Long explanations about why she can’t meet him should be avoided. If he is having a particularly busy time at home or at work and seeing is impossible, complaint is not recommended – he will get more than enough nagging from his wife.

One of the easiest ways to ensure the own right to privacy is to enforce his. In particular, talking about his wife is not indicated. This can lead to the odd position of giving him guidance and this is bad for the whole marriage triangle. The mistress is not his best friend, she is just his mistress, and it is inappropriate for her to know too many details of other parts of his personal life. It’s all right for him to complain about his wife, but he will resent someone else doing it.

It takes an enormous amount of self-discipline to end an affair while it is still good. However, it is far better to look back on something which has always been good for both, than it is to have the most recent memories bad ones. In many respects the best affairs are time limited.

The only men to have affairs with are men whose marriages are stable. Someone who has a vested interest in keeping his marriage in good health is the perfect part-time lover.

It is a good policy to tell him that if he leaves his wife, he will no longer have a mistress. That particular threat keeps a man’s mind focused on keeping both of his women happy.

The mistress should treat every date like one of the first dates. She should be sweet, listen, kind, and must give him the time for him to talk about that most fascinating of subjects – himself. Strangely there is something rather fulfilling in indulging someone and talking to them on their subjects. After a while the mistress will not only become a good listener, but also more understanding and less selfish. A mistress can afford to do this, because she can’t see him every day, and she doesn’t want him to become part of her own life.

A mistress doesn’t tell anyone who knows him about the affair. This is particularly important if a circle of friends in common exists. If she must share her private life with someone, she can talk to a friend, that doesn’t know not him.

Having an affair with a married man suits a lot of women at some stage in their lives because it is fun, it is flattering, it is the most wonderful way of rebuilding damaged self-confidence, and it gives a great sense of power.

48 COMMENTS

  1. What the heck? A how-to-be-a-mistress post?

    Not only is this post sick, but it's baffling. Check some actual studies. Being a mistress is the last thing a woman should do for “rebuilding damaged self-confidence.”

    Sheesh. I understand why you don't sign your real name.

  2. the real problem is many get married for the wrong reasons.
    After that people try to patch things up and “make it work”.

  3. the real problem is many get married for the wrong reasons.nAfter that people try to patch things up and “make it work”.

  4. As Chinese people, we do not talk about having affairs with married men too much, even though many of them have done this. Actually, this is an common problem that everyone may meet. What we need is reasonable guidance, just as this one.

  5. My wife of 35 yrs is my wife of 35 yrs. My mistress of 10 yrs is my 2nd wife in all but name. We all share a home, both have children, albeit my wife’s children are much older, they both share duties in the house, my wife helps my mistress with the small children, the girls call them both mom, they both refer to me as their husband, etc. etc. The only thing we don’t have is two legal unions. If a man can afford and love to wives, he should be able to have two wives. It is really bizarre that there is contemplation of allowing gay people to marry and it is illegal for a man to have two wives. P.S., we are not Mormon, nor do we come from another country.

    Living happily in the suburbs…

  6. What if he’s not married but just has a girlfriend? Am I still considered a mistress and is there a chance to become his wife?

  7. How can you afford to love two women at the same time? A person should love only one, it is unfair to both. You should select who you really love very truly, of course its your wife. Get rid of your mistress before its too late, the kids will only suffer in the future. Your mistress will understand I hope because she knows already your situation at the beginning, that you have already a family before she came to the scene. It is but right and proper to settle things before its too late. God bless you:)

  8. ridiculous. I can’t believe there are people that think this will bring some sort of happiness. Enlighten yourselves people. Immoral or amoral choices never bring happiness. Hopefully this is just a joke cause thats all it should be…

  9. ridiculous. I can’t believe there are people that think this will bring some sort of happiness. Enlighten yourselves people. Immoral or amoral choices never bring happiness. Hopefully this is just a joke cause thats all it should be…

  10. It is encouraging to see this arrangement can work – my husband has commenced a relationship (no sex as yet) with his childhood sweetheart – we have been married for 24 years -been together for 30 – I like this person and we corrospond regularly as we live along way away from each other – we would have our own lives but he would go and stay when ever he travels for business – I don’t cope some days with what is happening and nor does She as she doesn’t want to be this person to fall in love with a married man but I have told her it will be ok and that we can work through the issues because I will not have my husband have an affair where everything is secret and there is lies and cheating, deceat – She is older with younger children – I am younger with older children!!! I have made it clear to My husband & “her” that I want every thing above board and we will tackle the issues as they come as we have never been down this track before and don’t know anyone else that has too – to ask the question of what they have done to make things work – She is a beautiful person and I can’t imagine my husband being with anyone else but a person that has a beautiful sole. We still have a wonderful marrieage but he said he can’t explain his feelings that have resurfaced after all these years – I know she loves him too and that she was young and imature when their relationship didn’t make it last time. She said she has always thought about him and wondered………….I keep telling myself it will be ok – my husband keeps telling me it will be ok as he is only asking for a small amount of her time whenever – If you have been there before please tell me what rules you have in place so that it is fair and everyone is happy …..thank you

  11. The Other Woman needs to be reminded that when the wife finds out she may go psycho. She”ll likely want and may get revenge against You, the husband, or both. Be ready for public exposure, shame and humiliation. Be ready for your whole family, your boss, your friends, and co workers to be informed of the dirty little secret. She may start a fishing expedition to uncover any unethical or not quite legal thing done to conceal and/or carry on the affair. And lastly, she may have a gun and know how to use it. You will reap what you sow. I was able to get my “friend” fired from a high profile career, and I was able to have her license to practice her career revoked. She’s lucky I didn’t have better access to her, as she lives in a different state. If I had, I’d probably be doing time for shooting her.

  12. Women are emotional beings. Men and women are different. why should a man only love one woman? It’s unfair if the man is lying and deceiving both women. But in the case of Percy its a mutual agreement. How will the children suffer? This is a way of live for them. A man can love two women. We love our children, but all differently and not the same. Culture and religion state this is wrong. The Romans had many mistresses. Educate yourself. You are thinking with your emotions. Who are you to state is wrong? It is wrong for you.

  13. But Wifey, did you do it to your hubby too? HE is the one that owed you, not her! I never understand why a wife goes after the other woman. The other woman owes you nothing. I wonder, how l long after you found out, destroyed her life, how long till he got involved with her again? Reading this post, it jumped at me, he is still seeing her. He feels protective of her, you should never have done that! You made HER the victim and you a nutt case!!!

  14. i am also a mistress,,i am 21 years old and i dont know how to deal with it right now because i am inlove with him,his separated he told me that he is in a good relationship with his wife because of their 4 years old daugther and i accept it,but the fact that i knew even we love each other there will be the time that he will be back on his wife and it feels me really hurt,,and even he is separated he still wearing his ring and its simply says that he is married and no one can be like his wife..i am little bit stress right now because the more the situation gets longer i am deeply in love with him.from the very first time i dont know where to put my self on his life and i dont even know if i should have to expect even he loves me.can you give me some advice what the best way to do,,and how to not get hurt when i decide to leav him and start my life without being in so much heart aches.

  15. Married or separated the man still has a wife. He could be lying to you about being separated. How about this get a divorce or I will not see you. People are so stupid to get involved with someone who is legally married. Oh and his WIFE loves him more than you. When th get tired of you or the next woman comes along that strokes his ego do you not think he will do the same to you??? Why not find a single man who is not tied down? These married men were once single too and apparently the men who cheat are not a good catch just weak men. It takes a strong good man to be faithful and there are plenty of good strong men out there who would never cheat and who treat you like a Queen. He could be poor rich ugly hot who cares if he is a good person he is a keeper. Maybe lower down your criteria because you are not perfect either and find one with good qualities who is single and not a cheating prick.

  16. I am in this exact type of relationship. Although he is not married but living with a woman. I was ending a 13 yr marriage when we 1st met, never in a million years planed it. Its been over a year now. I see him for about a week straight 24/7 every month – then he flys back to the west coast. About the love bit though — not possible to NOT fall in love with someone you are sleeping and spending the entire night with. At least not for me.  But the rest of the guide lines are right on. I don’t want someone living close, seeing them all the time. I need to breath, to feel alive again. Those 13 years were awful. And yes, this current man has built my self confidence up unbelievably.  Life is not like an instruction book, that if you do this and that, you will get this. Things happen. Yes, I have free will, I know the difference between right and wrong. But for those that judge, you are not in my shoes. Besides, he is the most beautiful man I have ever had the opportunity to make love with!!

  17. Frankly, I think for *most* men and women it is impossible to have sex without feelings coming out. In both men and women (especially women) chemicals are released in the body that will mentally bind them together. Usually this cannot be stopped by self control as brain chemistry directs a lot of what we do.

    Also, as the woman, I think many men will think less of you after you have been in this type of relationship. It is not politically correct, but just the way it is…

    I would really advise against this type of relationship. I have seen this in acquaintances of mine – it only ends in a disaster. Perhaps not at first, but disaster is looming. I have never seen it end any other way.

  18. I am a mistress although my man is not married but has a girlfriend and child. We’ve been fooling around for 9 months now and it is absolutely wonderful. We’ve been through several incidents where his girl found dirt on us (phone calls, texts, videos:) but we won’t give eachother up. He’s leaving her and I’m anxious to see if i assume a new role. Just be warned that in finding a “mister” you may also find a man worthy of being so much more.

  19. I’m a mistress and love it not love him….. his wife knows about me….. they are still together I don’t want him to leave her…. it’s fun with him…. **** you if you don’t like me….. your husband would…..

  20. this is all sickening! a Sodom and Gomorrah way of life and thinking!! Everyone in that city and the city was burned down!

  21. …Women have lower sex drives than men. Hammer, please understand – if women’s sex drives were lower than men, how is it that female can reach climax several times without a refractory period whereas men can’t during intercourse. That’s powerful biology to be designed to climax repeatedly and doesn’t appear like a lower sex drive compared to men. Should a man be versed in the art of mentally stimulating a woman, they would experience a woman driven to to copulate more frequently which is non-dependent on emotions. Women are goddesses of love and emotion, fire and desire, the carriers and sustainers of life. Can a man match that?

  22. I am involved with a married man but we are in too deep. It is stories like homie.lover.friend.’s that give women like me false hope. He really cares for me as I do for him, that is more than obvious, but he isn’t going to leave his wife until he’s given his marriage a shot. In addition to that, we have a 17 year age difference that messes with our goals and plans for life. Ex: he has a child already and wants to maybe have one more, I am wanting to start a family in a couple years. Am I stupid to think it maybe worth waiting for?

  23. I am involved with a married man but we are in too deep. It is stories like homie.lover.friend.’s that give women like me false hope. He really cares for me as I do for him, that is more than obvious, but he isn’t going to leave his wife until he’s given his marriage a shot. In addition to that, we have a 17 year age difference that messes with our goals and plans for life. Ex: he has a child already and wants to maybe have one more, I am wanting to start a family in a couple years. Am I stupid to think it maybe worth waiting for?

  24. If you enter into the friendship seeking companionship then you are NOT a mistress. You are “dating” a married man. A mistress loves the role and has no desire to be the wife.

  25. being a mistress is not easy,absolutely he dont have enough time to be with u….but what can i do, i do  like him the first time i saw him..when i have a chance to be with him i grab it,i dont think for the future as long as im happy now…..what important is i am happy to be with him,and i love to be with him…no other else..in fact i do love him now…so i  have to suffer the consequences.it is ok even i know its not ok………………

  26. My my I happened to stumble on this and you know what I really love about affairs? Karma is a bigger b**** than you and one day, when you do fall in love, and he / she moves onto someone else because you are old news, I hope you understand, that’s how karma works sweetie. Good luck with the self confidence issue!

  27. Sweetie, he will tell you anything to get in your pants. If you let him get to you mentally, then getting to you physically is only a matter of time. What you need to know is yourself worth. I believe that knowing or even asking about the wife has nothing to do with why you would be okay with the affair. I don’t believe anyone has ever accepted “I love my wife but still want to be with you” as an excuse to sleep around. If they didn’t love their spouse, they would have left her. If he is put into the situation in which he must decide between you or her, it is then that you will know just how he feels about you. My husband regrets his sexting this woman and the whole affair and is trying to make it up. Literally. I don’t see him as the type to do it again seeing how much hurt he caused and how he could have ruined two families not just ours. I suggest you end this (maybe 4 month) affair and just find yourself and what you need to be worthy of someones true love. Not someone’s left overs. Not being rude or anything, I understand you want love as everyone else does, just not like this. The haven’t had sex for years is something he probably said to get you to give it to him quicker, I know I always made love to my husband, daily, and still he had the affair. I read enough of the text messages to see that he lied to her about our marriage and our love for each other. Shoot he even told her he wished I was her when he was with me, again, saying that he did have sex with me so I don’t see how she believed that him and I were not having sex for years. Also, that I was not in shape and that he wanted someone with a better and nicer body like hers (shes korean but has a big butt), and obviously he lied because I have my good mexican assets and being fat isn’t one of them. 🙂 So back to what is important, He wants to be with you and it’s obvious that a man may always dream about being with different women in their life as it may feel like the first time, but when it’s not the first time and months have passed, it’s then that you must realize that you need to find someone else. Or they will.

  28. Sweetie, he will tell you anything to get in your pants. If you let him get to you mentally, then getting to you physically is only a matter of time. What you need to know is yourself worth. I believe that knowing or even asking about the wife has nothing to do with why you would be okay with the affair. I don’t believe anyone has ever accepted “I love my wife but still want to be with you” as an excuse to sleep around. If they didn’t love their spouse, they would have left her. If he is put into the situation in which he must decide between you or her, it is then that you will know just how he feels about you. My husband regrets his sexting this woman and the whole affair and is trying to make it up. Literally. I don’t see him as the type to do it again seeing how much hurt he caused and how he could have ruined two families not just ours. I suggest you end this (maybe 4 month) affair and just find yourself and what you need to be worthy of someones true love. Not someone’s left overs. Not being rude or anything, I understand you want love as everyone else does, just not like this. The haven’t had sex for years is something he probably said to get you to give it to him quicker, I know I always made love to my husband, daily, and still he had the affair. I read enough of the text messages to see that he lied to her about our marriage and our love for each other. Shoot he even told her he wished I was her when he was with me, again, saying that he did have sex with me so I don’t see how she believed that him and I were not having sex for years. Also, that I was not in shape and that he wanted someone with a better and nicer body like hers (shes korean but has a big butt), and obviously he lied because I have my good mexican assets and being fat isn’t one of them. 🙂 So back to what is important, He wants to be with you and it’s obvious that a man may always dream about being with different women in their life as it may feel like the first time, but when it’s not the first time and months have passed, it’s then that you must realize that you need to find someone else. Or they will.

  29. How about me? How do you call me, if the man is my boss and he is a widow, and I’m the one who taking care of his 5yrs old daughter, and we live together without marriage within 2yrs until now?

  30. How about me? How do you call me, if the man is my boss and he is a widow, and I’m the one who taking care of his 5yrs old daughter, and we live together without marriage within 2yrs until now? Is it I’m a mistress?

  31. gurl you have some real issues. Sorry but you are retarded fo real!!! You can’t be compare to a Wife you not clever you dumb as hell. You think the wife don’t know? how do you know just because she haven’t say nothing YET!!!! get a life. and that you be faithful to your lover can you tell the mirror you looking at every day lmao lmao faithful to a cheater never heard this lol lol oh my god you made my day with your small horizon. But dumb should f**** good. get some help and stop messing up innocent people life because your life is messed up

  32. He’s built up your self-confidence because he can take you to bed and you accept him taking his other woman to bed when he goes home. What man wouldn’t love having his cake and eating it too? If you really love him like you say, all the rainbows and butterflies will vanish the day you ask him to move in or commit to you. That’s just how it goes. Building you up, for the inevitable breaking back down. But hey, if you’re OK with it, better you than me. I will never accept being an option.

  33. Hammer—“In my opinion, a man should only use women on the side to release the excess sex drive that he doesn’t share with his wife.”

    How can you possibly say that it’s OK for a man to have sex with other women to release his sex drive, and then preach about marriage? Those are contradicting statements, and it is NEVER OK for a man to get his kicks to release. That’s BS and a lousy excuse to cheat.

  34. I was a married man’s mistress when I was in my early twenties and I regret it to this day. Herb J. was the CFO at the small company I worked at and he pursued me with gusto- I now realize mostly because I was 26 years younger than him ! Infact, his daughter was only one year younger than me- yuck! I still can’t believe that this didn’t bother him as we “were together” for 6 years- he was a sick man. I now also realize that I saw him as the father figure that I lacked and desperately wanted so badly as a child but never had. I was also new to this country and it’s culture so as far as I was concerned- he had all the answers or so I thought. As the years have past, I now see that he didn’t have a clue about what makes a man- a man and couldn’t even go one day without scheming and lying to everyone he “loved”! He was a lost, coward who feared his wife above all and I was the lost little damsel in distress…..very pathetic for him and me. I know that I would never do that again but I’m not so sure about this now old, retired man probably living in the South with his wife of 50 years! Don’t be with a married man as they lack every characteristic that represents a strong, stable, loyal partner……..Jo Teamo

  35. I can see very hateful comments. But guys it is difficult to understand this post because the post does not tell it very clearly that the prerequisite of such a relationship is that you have a good amount of money. There are career mistresses and they are very much fun. The wives who are used to affluence – even before they got married – do not mind getting husband off their back, so that they can do what they want – usually shopping, museum and such. Their father and then their husband just pays for whatever they want. This is true across all cultures and countries. If you know someone like that, everything will make sense.

    Here is a little issue in the modern middle class society though. The father and then the husband does pay for whatever the wife wants – because modern women have come to expect that part. The father or the husband does not get their end.

    So good luck in copying the rich guys – men should bring the money like the rich men and women should spend like the rich women.

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