After the marriage, men and the women are loving couples…for a period of time. Because of our animal mechanism, both, women and men are starting to get bored during years. We don’t just make sex like animals because of the morality that a man disposes of, towards them. The fealty is only a concept based on this. Earlier or later either partners want and try, successfully or not, to make a change: a man looks for a woman to experience and to satisfy his sex hunger and a woman looks for a man to make her feel young, precious and to be treated like a queen.
Being a mistress offers a lot of convenes: the woman gets dined and treated like a lady, she gets as much sex as time permits, she may even get some money for shopping not having to wash anyone else’s socks and she doesn’t have to put up with sport on the TV or have to deal with the man coming back drunk.
Having an affair with a married man isn’t morally nice- nobody likes being cheated on. The mistress is enabling a man to cheat on his wife. This is one of the reasons for making sure that the affair remains essentially meaningless. An affair should be fun, entertaining and satisfying. Neither of man or mistress should fall in love. Rules must be set and respected: if he even thinks about thinking of leaving his wife, the affair should be ended at once. A mistress does not look for commitment in a relationship. There are other men too, and beside the damage it will cause to his wife and his children, a man who can skillfully lie to his partner is no kind of partner to choose. Women who are looking for a partner should not seek out married men. However if this thing happens it should not come into notice to anyone else.
Women who are thinking about an affair must choose a man who makes her feel wonderful; she must choose a man who makes her laugh, a man who is good in bed, not a man who can make her fall in love with. An affair is about feeling good, not about feeling pain. The time spent together will be limited.
The man should not be left to fall in love. This is one of the ground rules to set out at the start of the affair. The mistress should make him know from the start she wants his body, his company, his attention, and some of his time. She won’t let him damage his marriage, and she will end it if he falls in love. However, if he says „I love you” he may not be seriously talking – he may well not really mean it- he is a man who lies to women. Setting the ground rules for both at the start of the affair means that it is easier for both to keep it light and run as few risks as possible. By setting the ground rules, even though a lot of them appear to be disempowering, the affair will be under control.
A mistress doesn’t call her lover. The big advantage of making him phone is that he will have the time and the privacy, and hopefully nothing else on his mind. The phone call is enjoyed without any strain or stress.
The mistress should keep her own life- he is only a part of it. Long explanations about why she can’t meet him should be avoided. If he is having a particularly busy time at home or at work and seeing is impossible, complaint is not recommended – he will get more than enough nagging from his wife.
One of the easiest ways to ensure the own right to privacy is to enforce his. In particular, talking about his wife is not indicated. This can lead to the odd position of giving him guidance and this is bad for the whole marriage triangle. The mistress is not his best friend, she is just his mistress, and it is inappropriate for her to know too many details of other parts of his personal life. It’s all right for him to complain about his wife, but he will resent someone else doing it.
It takes an enormous amount of self-discipline to end an affair while it is still good. However, it is far better to look back on something which has always been good for both, than it is to have the most recent memories bad ones. In many respects the best affairs are time limited.
The only men to have affairs with are men whose marriages are stable. Someone who has a vested interest in keeping his marriage in good health is the perfect part-time lover.
It is a good policy to tell him that if he leaves his wife, he will no longer have a mistress. That particular threat keeps a man’s mind focused on keeping both of his women happy.
The mistress should treat every date like one of the first dates. She should be sweet, listen, kind, and must give him the time for him to talk about that most fascinating of subjects – himself. Strangely there is something rather fulfilling in indulging someone and talking to them on their subjects. After a while the mistress will not only become a good listener, but also more understanding and less selfish. A mistress can afford to do this, because she can’t see him every day, and she doesn’t want him to become part of her own life.
A mistress doesn’t tell anyone who knows him about the affair. This is particularly important if a circle of friends in common exists. If she must share her private life with someone, she can talk to a friend, that doesn’t know not him.
Having an affair with a married man suits a lot of women at some stage in their lives because it is fun, it is flattering, it is the most wonderful way of rebuilding damaged self-confidence, and it gives a great sense of power.